Word order influences.

Hey Kerry!

Writing to very gently tell you something I learned while taking a class about Equine Assisted Therapy. I stood up when the instructor asked if anyone had a child with a spectrum disorder.

In my words, I put the disorder first, just as you have in the statement above, “my ASD son.” (My son has something different, but I’m not comfortable disclosing that right now).

It was in that moment I saw a look of disappointment flash across the face of the instructor. She didn’t admonish me, but she corrected me, she said, “your son is a person first, your son is a person WITH ASD.”

And you know what, I’ve changed my language, because I agree. It never occurred to me how it might feel for him to be talked about as if he was his affliction. In fact, even after that correction, I still struggled to really understand the difference. Until, someone said the following about me:

“As a PTSD person you must…”

OUCH.

I’m so much more than my PTSD. So much more.

I am NOT judging you, I am not saying you’re bad or doing it wrong or even telling you what to do. I’m simply telling you about a lesson I learned as an offering, because I know if no one had told me, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

In a room full of therapists who were all making that same mistake, I learned that putting my son’s affliction before his person, I was minimizing HIM in favor of a label. So, using ASD as an example, here’s how I refer to him now:

“My son is a boy who also has ASD.” Or “My son is coping with ASD.” Or “My son, with ASD.”

That way people will hear my intent to advocate for HIM (and others struggling with the same or similar things) FIRST, not the thing with which he struggles.

Thanks for being a mom who cares, your son is lucky to have you.

-Cyborg