You said, and I quote:

In principle, I agree. It’s not good to isolate oneself when in pain.

However,

You stated explicitly, at the end “as if your pain is unique, special and warranting special privileges.”

Maybe I’m all screwed up here, or maybe I don’t know who you’re speaking to, but maybe it would help out a bit of you defined that “you” and what “special privileges” that “you” is requesting.

In addition, sure, no one goes through life without pain, but the truth is we are all unique people. Our inner worlds are as varied as our outward appearances are, so you cannot actually ever fully understand what life has been like for me, and likewise, I cannot do the same with regard to you.

GETTING THAT is a major step toward empathy. Recognizing that our world view IS different and knowing YOURSELF is what actually allows for better understanding of others.

Because if you cannot tell what feelings are yours and you go about defining others without knowing enough about you to get yourself OUT OF THE WAY, you cannot be empathetic.

Empathy is not pretending you are yourself and understanding how YOU would feel in someone else’s shoes.

Empathy requires that you look at the world around you from INSIDE someone else —it is not only what you feel in one situation or the next — it’s the whole sum of that person’s worldview, upbringing, PERSPECTIVE adopted that gives just a GLIMPSE of understanding.

You can take it off any time you like and go back to being you. The same is not true for the “other” with which you are trying to empathize.

Therefore, you cannot fully understand the full weight and gravity that comes along with that person’s burdens.

Nor can anyone do that for you. Being able to take off the perspective and go back to being you IS a privilege, in many cases when you are empathizing with those who are in pain.

If you lack the ability to get your own self out of the way, empathy will be very difficult for you.

Historical studies taught me that… as in, I cannot hope to remember, digest and understand what life was like for Betsy Ross if I impose today’s standards and mine unto hers, because her life and time was vastly different from mine.

Perspective is important. If you’re going to empathize, you must understand your own and the person’s you are trying to empathize with, first. Recognize that they are both equally valid second; and third stop judging them by your own life and world view.

I’m too tired for this.

Goodnight, medium.

H.