Your feelings matter.
Embarrassment belongs to the bad actors. You have not done anything wrong!
Wagatwe Wanjuki, this it such a normal feeling to get upset that you weren’t treated with dignity. It’s normal to feel hurt that those policies weren’t in place when you needed them. You have a right to feel this way.
I have felt this way many many times. I was assaulted during a school day when I was 12 years old by two of my peers, one of which was a very dear friend of mine. I did not report it. Teachers saw it happening and did nothing.
My friend reported it. The two boys were suspended. No one even bothered to call my parents. Keep in mind, this was not college, it was Jr. High School or Middle School. My parents should have been notified.
So much happened, it isn’t that I wanted a harsher punishment for the boys who attacked me, it’s more that I wanted better support while I recovered from it. I also wanted the teachers who witnessed the attack and did nothing to stop it punished for failing to do their jobs. Help didn’t come. Blame and shame did though. Lots of that to go around.
Now a days the school I attended has programs and “policies” in place to help survivors… at least that’s what they say. And I find myself feeling grief over it. Not just for what I went through, but for anyone else who went through something similar and also was not helped.
It is absolutely ok for both you and I to feel hurt and be happy for the change at the same time.
And I’ll tell you something else, I also feel jaded. I don’t really believe what they say in their new policies. I don’t really buy it.
So there’s that too.
I am tired of feeling embarrassed by my insides’ response to harmful shit when it is the insanity around me and those perpetuating it that ought be embarrassed.
I wish you healing. What you are doing is very brave. I am cheering you on.