As the yellow cotton curtains in my room flutter away to glory in this arid afternoon’s wind, I can’t help but wonder if things would have been different had I not done what I already have. Years ago, we held hands on a rather sultry afternoon and walked against the beach wind, sweaty palms and sparkly eyes. With nothing to talk about more than a few movie hits and some romantic numbers up our sleeve, we always ended our conversations with chai from the local tapri and hot omelette. We felt for each other and it was pure. It was innocent, unperturbed and extremely new — but we knew one thing for sure. We wanted to be with each other. We thought of nothing but happiness and all the simplicities that life was going to offer us. We loved each other and all the things around us. Those were simple times, unbelievably so.

Every long distance relationship is a litmus test of how far the relationship would go. You see people discourage you, encourage you, envy you for what you have, scorn at you and exhibit irritation. But mostly, trust me; it is because they are jealous of what you have. You seethe, you smile, you scorn back at them, you battle depression, you try your best to storm the weather or you just let go — some live through it, most don’t. Surviving the litmus test is the most important part of the relationship. The experiment is futile otherwise.

I, unfortunately, failed the litmus test.