Why Ska Should Be the Predominant Music Genre and Not Pop Music
Ska. Ska never changes.
Since the dawn of music, when our ancestors first discovered the killing power of rock and roll, blood has been spilled in the name of everything: from Trip Hop to Mongolian Throat singing, to simple, psychedelic rock.
In the year 2077, after millennia of armed musicianship, the destructive nature of music could sustain itself no longer. The world was plunged into an abyss of Rap and Country.
But it was not, as some had predicted, the end of music. Instead, the apocalypse was simply the prologue to another bloody chapter of human history. For man had succeeded in destroying pop — but ska, ska never changes.
Lemme tell you… Ska. Ska is cool. It’s the best parts of every modern music genre, and i’ll be talking about how they relate to other genres and what they took and changed.
Punk Music: House shows with ska bands are fun as hell. No walls of death or pits, just a bunch of skinny dudes skanking to the off beat of another skinny white dude’s guitar. Punk house shows? Expect to catch some fists and a few loose teeth.
Country: No genre has such outrageous outfits like ska and country. We got checkerboard vans, three piece suits, SUSPENDERS! We got suspenders and it’s COOL! Country has it’s own outfits too, but they’re not very cool and have 0 checkerboard.
Rap: Both genres have a distinct lack of knowing how to pronounce common words, and speaking them too fast to understand. Ska, though, forgets that words have to rhyme.
Jazz: You were expecting me to say horns, weren’t you? Well, actually, it’s the way that everyone who listens to it feels superior in every way imaginable because its ska/jazz. Pretentious dorks.
Death Metal: Breakdowns? Nah. Solos.
90’s Skate Punk: We just stole this genre entirely. Add some horns and it’s most american third-wave.
Reggae: Ska came before reggae. They stole ska.
Anime OSTs: Fedoras are cool in ska. Not on neckbeards.
Being a Teenager: Vans.
Being an Adult: Crippling debt.
Being a Grandparent: Saying it was better back in your day.
My Uncle: Probably straight edge but it’s hard to tell.
Dungeons and Dragons: People think only nerds like it but the hockey team secretly loves it too.
A Good RPG: Hard to get through airport security.
USA Government: Always bad but progressively getting worse.
Canadian Government: Not clear who’s in power.
Most Diseases: Comes in waves.
Pop Music: We stole the repetitiveness of pop music and added a different rhythm! How cool!
So yeah basically, ska is just mixing every modern music genre into one by taking everything good about them. And it’s good! Go Ska!
