osaIRIS

osaIRIS log status: Cleaned up; had to unencrypt the logging program’s finding on the base of the 1058th.

Added note: Can we please change osaIRIS’s encryption subroutine? I know it’s for security reasons, but it makes the whole system bloated; we’ve had five crashes in the past month. It would help make the process more efficient when we have thousands of these bugs keeping track on all of the bases’ computer terminal stations. (Okay, I’ll be honest; we just want more coffee and doughnut breaks.) Anyway, the log you requested is attached below.

Thanks,

Cameron Statler

United Systems Intelligence

P.S. I must admit, this Mallard fellow sure seems quite energetic and animated.

— — — — — -

Loaded on [REDACTED]

Location file sent from [REDACTED]

User: Will Loman Higgs

Rank: Citizen

Occupation: Salesman of Alvane Insurance Ltd.

Heya Will,

Things aren’t looking too good at our base. No communications or transmissions of any kind since the standing orders from C.C. The men around here were fine until we were running out of food. Yesterday was pretty bad; Gram and Serran were fighting over rations, the higher ups haven’t returned from their ‘extended vacation’, and the rest of the gents are talking about locking down the entire base for their own ‘reasons’. Lee R. Jenkins (the extremely serious and sarcastic guy I told you earlier in the last email) even started to scream his own name like a madman and run around the entire base at anyone he fancies! Jake Hudson followed suit with yelling, “Game over, man! It’s all over! What are we gonna do?” I swear, it’s getting on my nerves. I’m in a base filled with crazies.

It’s chaos here, man — literally a mutiny has started! People are seriously drawing ACTUAL lines in the fort like it’s their own territory. I wonder what the hell was I thinking when I signed up for. It certainly wasn’t for this. What happened to the order and greatness that allowed us to sail across the stars? Why does it feel like we’re just isolating ourselves? Why is the janitor dancing around a pig head and talking to it as if it’s alive? Where are all the free goodies I was promised when I signed up for this job?

Keep yourself safe, I know it’s been months since you’ve last responded. I might not hear from you for a long time, some of the techs were talking about cutting power to the comms since it’s been just static for so long. Anyway, I’m sure ol’ Uncle Ben made it to the USCM asteroid shelter. Don’t worry about him.

Till then bro,

Mallard Higgs

Munitions Engineer, Corporal of the USCM 1058th