Hi Deborah. Thank you for writing this hauntingly beautiful piece. I happen to be a trauma and emotion-centered psychotherapist. What you describe sounds like the wounds of childhood adversity also called trauma. As adults, young parts of us can still live on inside our minds trapped in danger or misery. So painful and frustrating for families and loved ones to witness. It seems to make no sense. Yet in my work I have always found a The of “survival logic” to what you describe. If she sees and feels the calm and beauty you see and feel, perhaps she’d have to mourn for a time when it wasn’t this way and the grief is just too much. Or perhaps their is unprocessed anger and fear that prevents her from giving up this possibly protective stance of misery. I’m so deeply sorry that you must endure her not be able to relax and enjoy you. Thank you for writing this and I hope I’ve understood.

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Hilary Jacobs Hendel

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Psychotherapist & author of “It’s Not Always Depression.” On sale now! Learn about the Change Triangle and feel better.