Part 2: Top 5 Ways To Work The Change Triangle as a Beginner
The Change Triangle is a tool based on cutting-edge science in emotions and neuroscience of how the brain changes to restore a sense of calm and regulation. It’s a tool everyone can use to help shift from distress to greater peace of mind. The Change Triangle is both a map and a tool that you can use every day. You can turn to it to manage upsetting moments, or when you are in conflict with yourself or those you love, or when you’re looking to understand yourself more deeply. You can turn to it when you want to feel more calm and openhearted. Practiced over a life time, working The Change Triangle builds resilience and emotional stability. With practice, comes change. So here are 5 moves to start working the Change Triangle:
- Check in with your mind and body.
Make a mental or actual note in your daily calendar (like I do in my calendar: see the screen shot below) that reminds you to stop what you are doing for 1 minute a few times each day and check in to find out where you are on TCT right now.
2. Notice if you are calm, having feelings (core or inhibitory), up in your head thinking thoughts, or checked out all together.
Review each corner of the change triangle as well as the C’s to find what words resonate most for you. You might find yourself on more than one corner. Notice if you are calm, having an emotion, or avoiding your emotions — take your best guess. And remember, all worthwhile endeavors take practice at first. Just validate your truth. No judgment, just acceptance of where you are right now.
3. Ask yourself, “Where am I on the Change Triangle right now?”
Look at the map of The Change Triangle and find the corner you think you are on: defense, inhibitory, core, or openhearted state below the triangle.
4. Approach yourself with curiosity and kindness. Are you putting aside self-judgments the best that you can?
Validate that merely trying to figure out where you are on the Change Triangle is awesome! No matter whether you easily located your state or if the endeavor was frustrating or confusing, you just did something good for your brain and mind by trying. Keep learning! Keep practicing!!
5. To feel better, we want to move clockwise to the bottom of the Change Triangle so you can name your core emotions. Are you working the Change Triangle to find what step is next to find some relief?
Based on the instructions above for what to do at each corner of the Change Triangle, validate what needs to be done for you to get to a better place right now.
If I am in a defense, I want to find what emotions I am guarding against. I ask myself: If I didn’t use this defense, what might I be feeling about my current situation?
If I am anxious, I pause to calm my anxiety. I breathe, feel my feet on the floor, remind myself anxiety is temporary and is caused by core emotions pushing up for expression. When I slow way down, and calm down a bit, I try to name all the core emotions I notice sensing them in my body as well as my mind.
If I am having one or more core emotions, I pick the most prominent one and get to know it by sensing the sensations it causes in my body. I try to put words on the sensations I perceive. I drop the story line in my head that goes with the emotion and simply stay with the physical sensations, relating to myself with compassion and kindness — never judgment. I breathe and follow the sensations as they move through my body, until the wave calms.
If I’m in the openhearted state, I make sure to notice and enjoy it. I stay with good feelings like joy, pride in myself, gratitude, and love. I sense them physically to reap the health benefits of doing so. They are vitamins for the brain.
Congratulations! You just worked The Change Triangle! This is a practice not a perfect so A+ just for reading!!
