I was getting a haircut yesterday and the topic of the day was politics (it always is). We were discussing the current state of the political system specifically, the Tea Party lunacy that hijacked the system and we landed on the Koch Brothers. As a Blerd, I take perverse pride in my ability to steer every conversation, regardless of how sober, and steer it towards Comic Books, Movies or Cartoons. By the time my barber was finishing up, we had reached the conclusion that the Koch Brothers were actually Captain Planet/Super-villains.
Let me back up.
The Koch Brothers are the industrialists who use their money to fund a schizophrenic array of social service non-profits and fringe-y right wing political organizations that will confound historians in generations to come. Koch Industries might as well be LexCorp. The Koch Brothers are proprietors/financiers of most of the awful things in the world today. The physical devastation their companies have visited on this planet will ensure that we will have a difficult time looking our grandchildren in the eye. They are masters of hiding blood encrusted fingernails under white gloves.
Their political misadventures are even more insidious. They have managed to tap into the the most some hateful, paranoid, regressive pockets of our society and gave them political funding. The resulting dumpster fire has allowed them to make ‘Uncle Scrooge Coin Swimming’ amounts of money.
American Politics has always been a shit show. The Koch Brothers just laced the poo with Hepatitis and Zika, made it sentient, then provided the audience 3-d glasses, cocaine and sharp sticks. They have made Congress and Senate even more worthless than they have ever been. This is an impressive feet. They have taken a thing that was repulsive and made it toxic. They have taken The Room and made it into A Serbian Film…you get the point.
The Koch Brothers are worth almost 100 billion dollars collectively. There is literally nothing in this world that they can not afford. They are so rich that it is impossible to improve their standard of living. So why rig the system and continue to ruin the planet? This is were Captain Planet flies in.
Captain Planet’s rogues gallery was comprised of villains that were so dialed into their villainy that they didn’t even bother to ensure that their plans made logical sense.
Villain: “Once I finish construction of my oddly specific contraption that will spew enormous, ecosystem crippling levels of smog, my masterstroke will be complete. Nobody on the planet will be able to breathe! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Lackey: “Why?!?! Don’t you live here too? You broke the budget on the Smog Machine and we don’t have a dome, a space station, or even gas masks! What are we going to go for oxygen?”
Villain: “Silence! Now prepare the buckets of dirty mop water for Captain Planet! He cannot be allowed to foil my villainous plan that I won’t see any benefit from and will eventually doom us all.”
The Koch Brothers ventures are essentially doing the same thing. Phenomenally destructive to the ecological/political systems and adding more money to an already unfathomable amount and of no benefit to anyone. They are the ultimate super-villains because their motivation seems to be the destruction of everything. The nihilist type super-villainy that most bad guys dream about.
Why settle for just destroying you enemies when you can ruin the lives of their children and grandchildren? There is an elegance to this approach to super evil. It is a gentle process of cultivating many small acts of assholery into an intricate web of fuckeries that will sap the hope of your enemies for generations to come. This is a dedication to abhorrent behavior that can be considered artistic genius. I’m certain that the Kochs vision of the planet is similar to the world Thundarr the Barbarian occupied.
A dystopian wasteland where the Koch Brothers are worshipped as Dark Gods. This is Super Villainy at it’s highest level. Recognize greatness when it happens in front of your eyes kids…you will likely never see villains as competently evil again.
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