Emotional and physical intimacy require different things, and in a non-monogamous relationship the lines can get blurred pretty quickly as to what you’re being provided versus what you actually need. It is definitely not easy to have functioning *emotionally* strong relationships with multiple people at the same time (which is why polyamory is actually really hard to get right). In a simple non-monogamous relationship it can be hard to decide what parts of your emotional self you wanna share and which ones you don’t.
Sounds like you guys had different expectations from one another in this relationship. He was simply looking for physical intimacy with you, while you required more emotional and physical presence. Nothing wrong with that at all, but in my opinion, I feel what you might need right now in life (especially considering your recent sexual assault and the trauma that comes with it) is a committed, monogamous relationship based on trust and honesty. Even though monogamy might not always work out in the long-run, in the short-term I feel it is the best option for those who are needing to share more of themselves with another person than just their bodies.
Good luck, and keep meditating, it definitely helps!