We need to talk about therapy.
I find inspiration in the strangest of places. This week it was at the hairdresser.
I look around the salon and get out my phone, and the whir of double thumb-typing begins.
But, something stops me.
I want to write about therapy. And in particular — learning to be vulnerable.
And I find myself feeling shameful and embarrassed as I write it.
Someone might see me. Someone might judge me! Therapy is only for the fucked up, right?
No. It absolutely is not.
I know it doesn’t make sense for me to feel embarrassed about therapy. I regularly write on a public forum about my innermost thoughts. Yet, here I am, feeling shameful about writing the word therapy.
I want to normalise the conversation around therapy.
How often do you talk to your friends about the exercise program you’ve discovered or the new diet you might be trying? I know I do. And, it’s all perfectly acceptable, everyday conversation.
But the ‘gym for your mind’ — aka therapy — still seems to have some stigma around it.
What do you think? Do you feel comfortable talking about therapy?
Therapy saved my marriage. Hands down. I’m not embarrassed to say it. It did. I would not be where I am today without it, and that’s something to celebrate. Fuck yeah!
Therapy is helping me uncover how to be ok with being vulnerable.
Which brings me to my renewed appreciation for Brené Brown.
I had the opportunity to attend a two-day workshop last week. Two full days of understanding vulnerability, shame, courage and empathy. The arse-kicking Dare to Lead Leadership Program by Brené Brown.
Dare to Lead is the playbook for becoming a courageous leader.
And guess what?
You can’t be courageous, without first being vulnerable. And to be vulnerable — you have to allow yourself to be open to emotional exposure, risk and uncertainty.
Faaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk!
That was my genuine and loud response in the workshop.
My ‘aha’ moment covered me in goosebumps and sat me in my seat. The people in the workshop laughed at me in agreement. I really suck at being vulnerable.
If I want to show up courageously in everything I do — working, parenting, wife-ing, friend-ing — I’ve got to keep doing the work on how to be vulnerable, and it is HARD.
I often tell myself to just “suck it up” to get on with things. Because, as a kid, I often heard “you’ll be right” — and I was.
But here’s the thing:
To learn to be vulnerable, you have to “embrace the suck”, not just “suck it up.” And there’s a difference.
It sucks to make a big change.
It sucks to make a big parenting decision.
It sucks to have a tough conversation at work.
It sucks to (insert any challenging experience here), but you do it anyway and “embrace the suck” to get through it and be better for it.
Embrace the suck.
This is just one of the learnings I came away with from an epic two days.
If you’re curious like me — have look at the Dare to Lead book where it lists 11 things that stop us from being courageous leaders. Take the assessment and see where you sit on the Courageous Leadership scale. It will blow your mind.
Learning how to be a courageous leader is learning how to be a better human.
I have so much learning to do.
