Red, White and Blue

My biggest fear is that I’ll end up dead on the streets.

There’s a vivid picture in my mind. I’m thrown out on the pavement. Legs broken, arms bent, hair in disarray. Faces come up to me and say that they’re sorry. You’re on your own out here and the only thing certain is death. You knew the risks and took it too far. You are on your own, nobody wants to deal with a dead body. Get up and hold your own.

The ocean is unreal in California. I am swept away by its breathtaking beauty and its endless horizons. On the eve of my graduation, I told a friend its black vastness and the depths of the unknown terrified me. We set up a bonfire by the beach and dreamed of conquering our fears and giving back to the world. We are told that when you experience immense trepidation, it means that the future is happening.

I am greeted by the same feeling of terror as I drove away from my parent’s house. My mom holding my dog as I waved goodbye, my car filled with items I deemed essential for my new journey. I took off into the sun set once again. My car packed to the brim again. The sinking feeling that I am alone, again. I have once again joined the working force of America. I imagined myself on the daily grind, 9–5, day in day out. Its terrifying, to need a job to make rent to a place I can barely enjoy.

First world problems

Massacres left and right,

Since then, we’ve heard of much more violence. We keep talking about it and have become so consumed in the bloodshed. We are outraged and we blame the guns, we blame the hate. I’m not sure what it is to be done. I don’t have trust in the government to keep us safe. I do not have trust in journalism to paint an accurate picture.

The business of America is business and such is that of the media. Who is profiting from this war. Are we at war? We are fighting every day to stay alive. Money is tight. Americans do not have a savings account. It seems like our liberty, freedom and justice are at stake.

My little sister graduated middle school this year and they recited America’s pledge of allegiance. I remember being in kindergarten reciting this with pride. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t an American, any one could pledge an allegiance. Now, I’m not sure, I keep my head bowed for respect and thank my lucky stars that I can build my wealth in other nations.

America has forgotten all that its stands for. It is a nation divided and God has turned away from it. Liberty and justice? That’s a scam. America is a land of outlaws. Its foundation is that of colonization. We are living on soil that is haunted by the tortured native spirit of the land.

What is America. We, immigrants see it as the land of opportunity and growth. The land of spectacular booms and even more catastrophic busts. I live in Palo Alto and work at Stanford University. The hub of growth and innovation. Home to tech giants Apple, Google and IBM. Snapchat was founded in the fraternity houses next to where I live. Its incredible what talent the Silicon Valley attracts and retains.

And somehow, I am one of them. By luck and by sheer chance, I am a strong independent woman in her mid twenties, amidst this chaos, fighting for my place in this society, struggling to keep afloat.

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