Hurt people hurt people. This can’t be a truer statement. But something that isn’t explored enough is how the hurt respond to being hurt by the hurt. I’ve become fascinated on understanding this cycle as I made a conscious effort to let the hurt recently inflicted on me, die with me.
When you’re hurt by a person or situation, the hurt can trigger feelings so raw that it’s comparable to death or an out of body experience. You try to make sense of the situation, replaying what happened but the confusion worsens the hurt so you give up. You try to forgive, but the anger needs to be dealt with. You make peace, but before the scar that is the wound from hurt becomes a ‘fact of life’, the healing process can alter your perception of people and situations — sometimes for the worse. You can be conditioned to fear or worse, operate from a place of hurt. This has devastating consequences as you will hurt others and be so far into your pain, you may not even see it; or you will make choices that can alter your path. But what if during your healing process, you embraced your life in all of its entirety — even the unforeseen? Life is big, and to embrace it means to acknowledge the unknown and all the experiences and people you’ll encounter along the way that are not yet present. To the hurt, let the person’s hurt or situation of hurt inflicted on you, stop with you. It doesn’t deserve to spread for the sake of others and yourself.
These things that will break us and hurt us throughout our lives will become facts of life or simply put, a thing of the past. It is not supposed to define us but should serve as a part in helping you move on to the next part of your journey. Keyword, your journey. It’s continuously unfolding and that hurtful incident will be small in the grand scheme of things, so let the feelings come over you but don’t allow them to dwell.
When someone hurts you, you take on their hurt whether you know it or not. The beautiful thing is you have a choice to let it exist and feed on you or let it die with you. Truthfully, up until recently I did not know I operated from a place of hurt as being hurt was a common theme from childhood to young adolescence. I developed thick skin but it was more of a guard to sense oncoming hurt and to be sure I wouldn’t be the first to lose should I encounter similar situations — I would attack. I made poor choices and even allowed situations to flourish when there was no need to entertain it from the start. I operated at the lowest common denominator when hurt but I was losing each time and I did not realize it. It wasn’t until I was actually blindsided recently that I said, this person’s hurt will stop with me. It’s not fair for my journey and it’s not fair for future persons that come into my life to be around it, or even taste it.
It’s not fair for humanity and your own experience. This is what I told myself. My temporary pain and suffering caused by individual(s) does not give me the right to throw it around to others. It will stop with me and I won’t allow it to spread. This is hard. The hurt inflicted by the person or situation, whether it be intentional or unintentional, can trigger unwanted emotions and uncover insecurities that you don’t want to deal with, but this is life. In my case, the ego was bruised and I attacked, but for what? I’ll deal with my ‘previous hurt’ and I’ll deal with the energy that was inflicted on me too. It will die with me. I don’t want someone to feel this, so why should I allow it to spread? You work on forgiveness of the situation and the person(s), and you see the hurt as a blessing or teacher and you turn within, meeting yourself. When you appreciate the beauty in the hurtful situation, and make the conscious effort to let that person’s hurt die with you, you feel good. You’re contributing to the grand experiment that is humanity, by pushing it forward, closer to acceptance and love.
I am human. I will fail others and I know others will fail me (through self-awareness and discernment, I hope to mitigate this). We’re constantly evolving. As I evolve, I find it a necessity to let the hurt die with you and fight not only for yourself, but for what you can’t see. It’s never about you. This is your experience, but it’s shared with so many other things. Imagine if everyone stopped the hurt that was inflicted on them? Life wouldn’t be so 2016.