My Influence on World Events

Normally, I’m a humble man. But, given the undeniable fact of my growing influence on world events, I simply must make an exception. As I am now responsible for much of the justice that is to be served in the world over the upcoming years, I think it is only reasonable that I share this fact with you, dear reader.

“Unlikely,” you say? Allow me to illustrate. Take the following image of the Assembly of States Parties of the International Criminal Court, for example.

To the untrained eye, this event appears to be taking place without my influence. But, let me draw your attention to a few important details.

This image demonstrates how The Assembly of States Parties of the International Criminal Court is made possible, almost entirely because of my efforts.

Observe how everything seems to rest on the tables that I constructed (circled in green) and how justice can flow, unobstructed, through the aisles that I vacuumed (see red arrows labeled “A”).

In the following image, you can see that the island nation of Samoa will be able to enjoy the satisfaction of justice on an international level. This is possible, thanks to the solid underpinning that my handy-work has provided. You may take comfort in the notion that such uplifting scenes will be typical of the years to come.

A pair of Samoans is making its small contribution, largely because of the tables that I constructed. These tables form the foundation upon which all international justice rests, for the time being.

The following two images illustrate how my influence extends to other aspects of justice as well.

The tables that I constructed (B), the chairs that I placed (A), and the floor that I vacuumed (C).

Mare tables that I constructed (B), more chairs that I placed (A), and another floor that I vacuumed (C).

You may have already noticed that, unlike many of his countrymen, the man in the picture below is not contracting swine flu*. Ordinarily, a man at his age, under these circumstances, would be lucky to be alive. His headphones could be festering with disease and impending death. But they’re not, in his particular case. Why? This is due to my unseen hand, which renders such things sterile and pure.

A man wearing sterilized headphones enjoys the lack of flu symptoms he is experiencing.

Take the man in the following image. Without his headphones, he would have no idea what was going on. Now, consider the fact that there are hundreds of people like him, wholly dependent on their headphones to tell them what to do.

This man is one of the many who would be helpless without headphones.

Do you know who constructed all of these headphones? That’s right! God created them. But I was the one who wiped them off, one by one, with a moist towelette. So I guess that makes me something of a baptist, doesn’t it? A holy man, perhaps? A prophet? Yeah, that’s me alright.

*As a side note, I should mention that what Americans call “swine flu,” the Dutch refer to as “Mexican flu.” So, yeah, they’re not swines, folks, they’re just Mexicans. Have a little more respect.