Why Bernie Sanders Actually Won Super Tuesday, And How Hilary Confirmed That She Is Actually A Robot

If you’re easily deceived by the lamestream media, then last night’s primary results might have spelled the end of America. The corporate techno-facist known as Hilary Clinton won a whole lot of states, taking us one step closer to the plutocratic dystopia we fear. But details are important, and those are exactly what Time Warner Cable didn’t want you to see. The truth is right in front of your eyes: Bernie Sanders won Super Tuesday, but also Hilary revealed that the real Hilary died over 20 years ago and was replaced by a robot.

You might be saying, “That’s RIDICULOUS! Bernie walked out of Tuesday with significantly less delegates!” True, but how easily we forget the story of the tortoise and the hare. It’s called a PARABLE, look it up sometime. In this situation, Hilary is the hare. She’s arrogantly running fast and winning all the states in the process. But Bernie’s got a “slow and steady wins the race” mentality. By losing most of the states, he was actually able to conserve some precious energy. So while Hilary might keep winning big, there’s no doubt that Bernie will cross the finish line first. At the end of the day, delegates are unimportant. Races are about pacing yourself. And Bernie brilliantly did that by getting less votes on Tuesday.

As for Hilary, the devil’s in the details. If you listened to her arrogant, premature speech last night, you may have caught a couple of weird lines. Right off the bat, she said, “All across our country today, democrats voted to break down barriers so we could all rise together.” Hmm? Sound familiar? “Rise?”

Blink and you might have missed it. When Hilary says “We can rise together” she doesn’t mean you and me. She means you and the machines. Look, we’ve all held this suspicion for a LONG time. We knew that something about Hilary didn’t feel synthetic. But this was all the confirmation we needed. To add to that, she spent the whole speech talking about “breaking down barriers.” Hmmm, really Hilary? Sounds pretty dangerous to let our guard down, doesn’t it? Why would a human say that?

Because she’s NOT a human. She’s pure steel, an actual puppet of Wall Street, created by none other than TIME WARNER CABLE. Wow, doesn’t sound so crazy now does it? The pieces are all lining up.

So, remember, not everything is what it seems. The person with the most votes isn’t always the winner, and sometimes not even a person. Think critically. Look all around you. Turn off CNN and get real.