“Father and daughter have the best bond in the world.”
Yeah, I get that, but I can never relate to that. I’ve been living with my father my whole life, yet the number of happy moments that we’ve shared together can only be counted by the fingers.
Today is Father’s Day. People are sharing their stories about how their father makes them the happiest, the moments that they’ve shared, the sacrifices of their fathers, and how their father serves as their hero. Obviously, I am happy to witness it, but at some point, I feel a little resentment because my father and I never got along well. We’re near each other, but it feels like the gap between us is miles apart.
Don’t get me wrong, my dad isn’t completely a bad father, but he isn’t the epitome of a good father either. He provides for us as he can—he feeds us well and gives us what we need as long as he can, but not always yet. I am grateful for that. It’s just that he can’t do anything else aside from that.
Growing up with a father who lacks affection really sucks. There were days when I always felt that I was not enough because whenever I achieved something, he would just give me some tokens as a prize and would never say, “I’m proud of you.”
There was also a moment when I was younger that I had to beg for my father’s attention, but sadly, he wasn’t able to do that. I admit that that little girl, which is me, was hurt, but I tried to understand him. There were also times that I tried to correct his mistakes, which eventually ended with a fight, but never got an apology. Maybe I’m the one who’s at fault, or maybe he just can’t accept the fact that he was wrong?
They say that “daughters will seek a boyfriend based on their father’s personality.” But for me, I will push myself not to do that because I don’t want to have a significant other who’s someone that I have to beg. I don’t want to have a lover who lacks affection. I don’t want to have a partner whose personality is the same as my father’s.
Even though we don’t have the best father-daughter bond in the world, I couldn’t hate him completely. Is it because he’s still my father after all, or is it because I have empathy for him as a person?
Despite having a father who’s not affectionate and caring, I would always pray for him silently.
Happy Father’s Day to my dad, who’s never there for me.
Maybe in another universe, I won’t beg for your affection.
Happy Father’s Day to the people who’s responsible, caring, and affectionate enough to fulfill a father’s duty.
