Why ‘The Doctor’ is a F**kboy

A.k.a Don’t Be the Girl Who Waited

Written while listening to: “Woodland” — The Paper Kites

Warning: drops the f-bomb. A lot. So avert you’re eyes if you’re not into that sorta thing.

Let me first say: I love Doctor Who. The Doctor has gotten me through some hard times — freshman year of college, getting my wisdom teeth out, being single and pretending I was dating the Tenth Doctor (we’re still happily involved).

But sometimes we discover that the ones we love are the worst people in the world. And I’m telling you right now, the Doctor? Is a fuckboy.

While urbandictionary’s definition of “fuckboy” has an eloquent jen a sais coix in the form of “a person who is a weak-ass p*ssy”, I prefer Alana Massey’s definition on Slate:

A fuckboy is a man who wants a girlfriend without attendant responsibilities. Fuckboys become emotional vampires to women who aren’t even their girlfriends.

Just like a fuckboy only likes certain girls when it’s ‘convenient’ for him, the Doctor needs companions because they’re convenient, they’re willing, and they’re a temporary fix for his boredom and loneliness.

He appears when he wants. He makes his companions feel like the most important people in the world, then leaves without them knowing when — or if — he’ll come back. But the high when he does? Is worth the lows.

I mean, companions are basically a metaphor for women in a manipulative relationship. He’s hot, he’s cold, he’s here, he leaves, you trust him, he lies.

Even the philosophy of having a companion is fuckboyish. Sure, he cares about them…but he also goes through ’em like a dude in college goes through sorority girls. Whole universe of companions, why you gotta stick to just one?

Mind you, I’m not saying he doesn’t care about his companions…he just doesn’t think beyond himself enough to see that while he makes their lives better, he also ends up destroying them as well.

Let us count the ways…

Rose — Big Bad Wolf

Man oh man, Rose even broke up with her pseudo-boyfriend Mickey because she was with him in the streets but with the DOCTOR in the mental sheeeeets.

The Joss Whedon-worthy end of their tryst is still one of my most TV-PTSD moments. Rose’s life may have been boring before, sure. But hell, now it’s empty.

And yet, when he actually gets a brief second to say a proper goodbye to her, he gets cut off right before he can say “I love you.” Conveeeenient. Bruh, you are like 900 years old — get to the point or gtfo.

Martha — The Rebound

People. Hate. Martha. Wanna know what was wrong with her? Not a goddamn thing.

Martha was a fantastic companion. Maybe we hated her because we could relate. Because she freakin’ loved him. She had to watch him sulk about blondie while she was in the background kicking alien ass, serving as the useful part of the Doctor-companion duo.

But he treated her like a rebound side-piece, which is probably why she was the only one to walk away from him unscathed besiiides…

Donna — the woman who dodged a freakin’ bullet

She may have been totes platonic with him, but I stand by the fact that the only reason she walked away unscathed is because she got Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minded and had to forget him.

Which brings us to the greatest victim of all…

Amy — The Girl Who Waited

He crashes into her life…then peaces out for years, leaving her abandoned. He comes back just in time for her to try to cheat on her fiancé with him. And when she and Rory try to ditch him for a life down here on earth? He drags them back, which costs them a life with their child. And technically costs them their lives.

But the worst part? The episode “The Girl Who Waited.”

His adventures with her get her stranded on a planet where she ages like 60 years…and she waits for him to come back. Because she knows he will. And he does. And he promises to save her, that he’s there, that it’ll be ok…

And he leaves her behind.

Her loyalty to him destroys her. In fact, it pretty much destroys all the companions he gets close enough to.

Because here’s the thing about being with a fuckboy — you put him first…but he also puts himself first. And always will. The feeling of importance he gives you is one-sided.

You’ll always be the girl who thinks she can fix him.

You’ll always be the girl sitting by the phone, waiting for the sound of his return.

You’ll always be the girl who puts her life on hold while he keeps going.

Don’t get left behind. Don’t put your life on pause for the drug that is a fuckboy’s attention.

Because in the end? You’ll always be the girl who waited.

xo