Diagnosis: Productivity Addict
Jessica Braun
Most people feel a sense of accomplishment and a surge of pride when they get a promotion or finish a marathon. These monumental achievements are certainly impressive and noteworthy. But why only allow yourself to feel fulfilled after the culmination of such a substantial feat? As an overall societal trend, I have observed that people are obsessed with doing things. Everywhere you look, from your Facebook feed to magazine advertisements, society perpetuates the message that you must do as much as you can or you’ll fall behind. Moreover, as if doing things wasn’t enough, people are in constant rivalry to do them faster or better.
I am a self-proclaimed productivity addict. My default answer is “yes.” I have numerous color-coded lists and spreadsheets for homework, grad school, bills, groceries, and more. Nothing feels better than crossing something off or marking it as done. Sometimes I even put things that I have already completed on a list, just so I can slash it out and feel fulfilled. I like to think of myself as a humble person and I am uncomfortable with bragging or sharing my accomplishments with others. I think the reason I am addicted to productivity is because I can personally track my progress and can be proud of the amount of tasks I complete. I don’t need recognition from others as long as I feel satisfied.
Because I feel the need to fill my time with tasks, I often struggle to find blank spaces in my calendar. On a typical day when asked about what I’ve done, I often list off an exorbitant amount of commitments. For example, tomorrow I have class, lab, a workout, an honors event, a club officer meeting, an environmental activism group meeting, and 3 hours of dance practices. Then, when I will arrive home close to midnight, I’ll make my first full meal of the day, shower, and start my homework. By this time, it’ll already be the next day. Sometimes I feel stuck in a rut of productivity, but it wouldn’t feel right to act any other way. Being productive sounds like a good thing on the surface. That is, until it starts acting like an addiction.
Being addicted to productivity is not as positive as it might seem. It can lead to self destructive behavior and subsequent rationalizations. Positivity is one of my core values, however, I often find myself thinking “You didn’t finish your paper so you can’t go out tonight” or “you don’t deserve to watch a movie because you didn’t answer all of your emails.” I trick myself into thinking I do not deserve to celebrate my progress because not everything is finished. On the rare occasion that I do have free time, I don’t know what to do with it and I feel guilty for not working on my endless to-do list. There is no finish line in sight, and any amount of productivity or success doesn’t feel like enough. The concept of free time is uncomfortable to me because in such an instance I’m not being measurably productive, and therefore I must be wasting time.
Upon having all of these realizations, I would like to consider myself a recovering productivity addict. In retrospect, I can confirm the statement “you only regret the things you haven’t done.” In order to be productive, I have said no to way too many birthday dinners, movie nights, and hiking trips. If you are someone who has been affected by my task-oriented tendencies, I sincerely apologize. Rather than saying no to positive experiences that I deserve to have, I intend to start saying no to additional commitments that won’t contribute to my personal growth or sense of fulfillment.
I have felt for a long time that I was falling behind with many things that truly matter while pursuing tasks with temporary or minimal value. I have neglected my health and relationships with friends and family. I have since learned that the solution is not to be unproductive, but to reframe the way in which I am productive. Just because I can’t get a grade for something or add it to my resume doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. Now, I have decided to turn more of my attention to things that cannot simply be added to or removed from a to-do list. Building relationships and spending time with people can’t be marked as “done,” nor should it. I want to start appreciating the unmeasurable parts of life because that’s what’s going to matter in the end.
If any of these statements resonate with you, I only ask that you be kind to yourself. If you’re tired as hell but you still have fifteen unread emails, go to bed. If you have homework to do but a friend needs advice, grab coffee with them. If your friend who’s abroad wants to skype with you on a study break rather than isolating yourself with textbooks all day, that’s wonderful. These interactions cannot be turned into tasks and they are substantially more important. You cannot mark a memory as “done” and move on. When you lay down at night or in the incredibly early hours of the morning, you won’t remember how many emails you sent, but you will remember the meaningful conversations you had. Enjoy peaceful and simple moments throughout the day whether this means carving out time for an activity that makes you happy, or simply keeping your phone in your pocket when you walk and being mindful instead. Be productive in a healthy way that does not require anyone’s validation but your own. Rather than optimizing your to-do list, try simplifying.
