How To Tell a Muslim Girl That You Like Her
Unless you’re familiar with my religion, the dating culture in Islam can feel like it’s loaded with rules and boundaries that are hard to navigate. It’s our responsibility as Muslim men to lower our gaze when ladies walk past us. There are no friendly hugs with the opposite gender, no vulnerable moments alone, and no easy way to justify a dm or prolonged glance in her direction.
It’s not that Islam commands us to alienate ourselves from the opposite sex, but my religion would rather see us approach a girl with clear intentions and an audience, rather than alone and with impressionable desires. It’s a lot easier to idealize someone when you’re in a room with them alone and allowed to enjoy their presence. It’s only when your gathering of two finds a third wheel that most flirtatious gestures sober into direct conversations. You can’t easily compliment her outfit, hold your eyes in her direction, or be bold in your conversation topics and word choices when Jerry from lab is randomly there watching. Without romance, there’s less romanticism, which means less lustful analysis when trying to decide compatibility, and Jerry was purposely placed as company for that reason.
You tell a Muslim girl that you like her by stating the following: “I would like to get to know you for the purposes of marriage”. Somewhere in that very awkward conversation, if she isn’t completely appalled, you might get her baba’s number so that you can text him instead of her. Marriage is a serious commitment, but all steps towards romantic relationships in Islam first begin with an understanding that you’re getting to know someone with marriage as an end goal.
Admittedly, there is a tremendous amount of angst that comes with the phrase, “ I would like to get to know you for the purposes of marriage”. If I randomly slip that phrase into a conversation I imagine that I would find my crush’s face reddening with unprepared shock, her eyes wandering towards the nearest exit, and her words stumbling through any type of response. I’ve imagined messaging her the phrase so her reaction can be more calculated, but I’m again afraid of her face reddening, her eyes looking to leave anytime we might meet, and her response stumbling through the limited connection I was able to build with her while Jerry from lab silently judged my non-flirting flirting. I’ve even considered recruiting my crush’s roommate as a proxy; her roommate can either encourage me to say the phrase, stop me from saying the phrase, or ask the phrase on my behalf. However, in this scenario, there might be an extra person who knows of my crush’s reddening face, escaping eyes, and hurried response so somehow that seems worse.
There are a lot of moving parts in deciding to tell someone something like this. Regardless of her reaction, by saying this phrase I’m essentially agreeing to face her family, my family, and be open about my feelings towards this girl that I have limited knowledge about. It’s an entirely vulnerable position to be in, but it also feels wrong to keep trying to talk to my crush without stating that I like her (especially from a religious perspective). We could stay friends until I was more certain about how I felt, but the process of getting to know someone feels different after telling them you’re interested in marriage. To be friendly with her without mentioning these thoughts is the same thing as disregarding religious protocols and friend-zoning myself.
I’ve stolen enough glances from the girl that I like to know that she’s pretty. I’ve thought about her on enough occasions to recognize that I’m interested in her, and I know things about her background, passions, and personality to be curious about the parts of herself that she doesn’t easily share. I care about her story. I think I like her, but I don’t actually know how to ask her if she’s interested in getting to know me for the purposes of marriage. My solution at this point is to loosely hope that the phrase slips from the sheltered box I’ve tried to place it in, or that she might think to say the phrase to me, or that she finds this article, recognizes the author, and her reddened face softens into a blush, her eyes wonder, and we’re gentle in our responses.
