“Nobody loves hops more than me!” I yell at a person standing near me at a bar. They have just ordered an IPA and commented that they “love hops.”

“Umm okay whatever you say.” they say. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? THE NERVE. “I love hops the most!” I scream back. I am drinking a HOP NUTTER HOP SLAM HOP BREW brand brew. I slam it on the bar and it foams over. By now the bar has gone quiet.

I take a dry hop bud out of my pocket and shove it in my mouth. I start to chew. The course plant matter instantly dries out my entire mouth. “I LUM THA SOAB TASTE!” I yell/mumble. “MMMMM!” There are tears coming out of my eyes. My face is bright red. Everyone in the bar has their mouth slightly agape as they stare in terror and confusion.

I pull another dry hop bud out of my pocket and do my best to shove it in my mouth, the other one still completely unfinished. Little wet leaves surround my lips and are falling down my face. “I LOB HOBS!” I scream.

The person next to me at the bar backs away. The cops are coming. Nobody loves hops more than me.

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