Holland Rogers
Sep 3, 2018 · 2 min read

Are you me from the future? Or am I you? Thank-you for writing this. I don’t feel quite so alone now. I start Naturally Slim today! I am so nervous about it because I haphazardly joined an Intuitive Eating Facebook group six months ago. This was shortly after leaving a busy ER nursing job for a M-F, 9–5 less active nursing role. My body, which was already ugly and lumpy and fat and uncomfortable wearing half of my wardrobe, started changing. Namely, my torso gained weight. Now the only thing I feel comfortable wearing are my oversized boxers and one of the last of the few loose fitting t-shirts when I’m lounging around the house in the evening. But I can’t quite get on all the way with the “Health At Every Size” mindset. I don’t think the problem is me not accepting my body. It does not look healthy. Miraculously the lab numbers aren’t bad. For now. But then there is that terrible voice again, huh? Is it so much to want a healthy, strong body not laden with excess fat? No. And Intuitive Eating taught me to never again to diet. But I’m still fat. I haven’t formally sought treatment for what I suspect may be body dysmorphic disorder in the setting of life-long OCD type (and diagnosed) disorder. I will. Enter Naturally Slim. OH NO, NOT ANOTHER DIET. Mercifully, it touts slow weight loss and mindful eating habits. But, I am still terrified. I am afraid to have hope. I do not think it is actually possible for me to consistently weigh under 200lbs. Maybe I don’t think it’s possible, simply because I have never experienced that weight in my adult hood, ever. Here’s to trying new thing!