Down to the wire

Today has been the most trying day since starting fertility treatment. After my appointment this morning, It was looking like the whole cycle would be canceled. I was devastated! My whole morning feels like a blur. When Dr Jain walked into the room and started to explain why we may be canceling this cycle, I started to block out what was being said because I was more focused on holding back tears in a room full of nurses and my doctor. I didn’t understand how my body could have responded so well to treatment, but now because of my progesterone level everything was done. No retrieval, no transfer. Would I even get another chance at IVF? Not to mention the thousands of dollars we had spent in medictaion that could not be reinbursed. My mind was racing. I couldn't think for myself to ask Dr Jain why this was happening. I truly was speechless for the first time.(For anyone who knows me, this never happens) Dr Jain seemed frustrated also, My ultrasound showed all positive things. My uterus lining was great, My follicles were all 18mm and larger, nothing showed signs of high progesterone that would cause failure. Because of this, Blood work would be the deciding factor. They still wanted to prep me incase I did get cleared for retrieval. So they sent me home to do an additional injection right after my appointment. I drove home feeling defeated. I had a hard time explaining everything to Nick and parents. I felt like I had failed. I finally stopped taking phone calls because I couldn’t explain this to anyone. It was confusing, complicated, and just hard to process. I didn’t want to be alone, but I didnt want to be near anyone because I just knew I wasnt getting good news.

Have I mentioned how amazing my friends are?! One call and they knew an intervention was needed. I didn't need to explain the situation, They just knew! Amanda and Shawna changed their plans and instead brought me lunch and sat with me while we all waited for the phone call. I LOVE THESE GIRLS!! They deserve their own story on my fertility blog. They have seen me naked, Given me shots when Nick couldn't, and listen to me cry. Nicholas Gene did my additional injection and kept me company until Amanda and Shawna came over. He has been such a trooper and my rock through everything. My heart was breaking for him too. I know he felt the pain that I did.

Every time my phone rang our hearts would sink. I thought we were all going to get sick. My aunt also made a drive bye to check on me, she had heard through the family grape vine something wasnt right. Our family is SUPER close. When I didn’t answer her call she panicked a little inside. (Remember, I wasnt answering anyones calls) Reason #101 I love her so much. She showed up at my house to make sure evrything was ok. I got up to explain everything to her and thats when my phone rang. The girls both said it at all most the exact same time that it was my doctor calling. Everyone was ready to explode…

I AM CLEAR TO TRIGGER, RETRIEVAL WILL BE WEDNESDAY!!!!

My progestrone level didn’t rise any more, but my estrogen did! Things balanced out. I still dont know that I completey understand everything that happened today. Im sure before I go under anestesia on Wedensday he will explain everything to us. I am just so so so thankful that we are able to retrieve these eggs!! We will freeze whatever embryos we get and do a Frozen transfer when The doctor says the time is right. It could be next month or 2 months, Im not to sure of all the details yet regarding the Frozen transfer. Currently, I’m completeley focused on having an amazing retrieval!

Please keep up in your prayers for Wednesday, that we end up with several healthy embryos. Also an extra prayer for Nick, Tonight will be his first intramuscular injection!

With love from a girl who dreams of being a mommy, Hollie

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