1000 Ways to Date in the West
Tattoo Man
- This is my most recent “relationship.” I am going a bit out of order here but, I will get back to the craziness after this (believe me there are more). This story needs to be told, mainly written for my well being.
I met tattoo man on a warm, stormy summer night (I think it was late August). We had been talking via text (standard) for about two weeks when our schedules finally aligned for us to meet. I pulled up to the resturant and he had been waiting for me in his car so we could walk in together. He got out of his very large Ford Pickup and he was a very large, Texas, Viking of a man. I immediately made a pre-judgment thinking he as going to be some football, athlete douche just by the way he looked (yes I judged the book by its cover also this was usually my type and we all know how much luck I’ve had with that). He was about 6"5, not exactly fit but just a big rugby guy in general with a big personality.
Dinner went well and for once I didn’t feel pressured to make conversation, everything was developing very naturally. I truely don’t remember what we discussed, I remember laughing, thinking how genuine he felt and how refreshing it was. He didn’t use any pick up lines, he told me when we first sat down how gorgeous I looked and how I was out of his league but he was going to do his best to keep my attention (which I found endearing). Tattoo man was full of life, animated, all around a light hearted, good man. The date ended with us standing by my truck waiting for the other to say bye, the standard awkward end to a first date. As he wrapped his arms around me to say bye I knew (slightly hoping) this wasn’t all just pomp and bs. (also he gave the best hugs).
The weeks went on and we continued to see each other. Tattoo man did everything a girl wants and for once it was a welcomed distraction from all the crazy dates, odd balls and just a**holes I had been dealing with. He lives about 2 hours away and he constantly was making plans to come see me no matter if it was only for an hour. Several dates and about 3 months in, yes I said 3 months, we decided to make it “official.” Something more foreign to me than seeing pigs fly.
Was I hesitant? Was I in disbelief? Was there always a voice in the back of my head saying “he is lying, hes like every other man and is going to break your heart etc” YES YES AND TRIPLE YES. Putting all doubts, devils on the shoulder and hesitation aside I convinced myself this was a good thing. As I said previously tattoo man was everything I could have asked for in a boyfriend and really what most women ( I think) ask for in a significant other. We had the intelligent conversations, always were laughing, he put in the effort (which is what I was always lacking in every other relationship), thoughtful, complimentary….add in all the other cheesy, chick flick, romance novel references here. There was just always something missing for me, yes, I was dating someone who easily becoming my best friend but that one thing kept circling my head, talking to me like the devil every time we were together. Sure he had a couple things that bothered me, he snored as loud as a bear and his health bothered me. But with that said, I by no means am perfect and I was willing to put those “flaws” aside and get to know this crazy, loud and funny man.
2months in (of being official)….I kept telling myself to keep trying at this, that this was the best thing to happen to me in A LONG F**KING TIME and whatever was holding me back will eventually go away or work itself out. However, after New Years I knew I had to make a decision and as we say in the south “shit or get off the pot.” So, I went to see him and stayed with him to see if I could ultimately be in this with him because it wasn’t fair to him as I was letting this go way too long! That night couldn’t have had been more of a perfect “we are a couple” night. He made us dinner, we went to bowling night with his guy friends and came home. I woke up that next morning with a weight the size of Texas on my chest. As I left his house he asked me if everything was ok and like a coward I said yes, gave him a kiss and left. It wasn’t a week later that I grew enough courage to break it off. I blamed it on the tired excuse of “I’m not there and you are” which in reality was the truth. I just didn’t know how to explain myself. Of course he was asking questions, “did he do something wrong?” “Was it a lack of physical attraction?” I couldn’t answer any of them straight which made it seem like I had dragged him on this 6 month journey for no reason and now he is getting the raw end of the deal.
All in all tattoo man and I saw each other for about 5–6 months. There is always the idea and thought that I did the wrong thing. That I let go of something incredible and didn’t give it enough time to develop. But if it wasn’t there then, what would make it there for me this time? Only time and faith will see what happens between tattoo man and I. I know he is a good man and deserves only the best…that unfortunately just isnt me.
Lessons Learned
#1 the biggest lesson learned from tattoo man was, after all this online dating back and forth and thinking I really wanted a boyfriend I don’t think I am ready for the idea. He showed me and was willing to give me what I had been wanting for SO long and it just didn’t happen for me (yes it scared me a bit to be in a relationship due to past experiences)
#2. Try to not let past experiences dictate the current relationship you’re working on. As many times my heart has been trampled on it took me way too long to trust tattoo man which I think was my downfall.
#3. There are truly good men still out there and I thank him for making me believe in that again.
