Emma Smith and the Pain of Polygamy
The first lady of Mormonism.
Growing up I always wondered about Emma Smith. She stuck with Joseph Smith, through a difficult and scary journey that ultimately led to his death. However, when the other followers of his new faith moved westward, she did not. I was taught some very vague reasons for this, reassured of her place in heaven, and the subject changed. There was always a hunger to know more.
We study all of the male leaders in our church — each modern leader getting an entire year of study — but we don’t have the words of Emma to study. We don’t really know much about her feelings and teachings at all. After being in the church for 39 years, I finally discovered something that could fill in the blanks of Emma’s life. Her award winning biography, written by two female members of the church, “Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith” told her story of love, faith, betrayal, and immense compassion.
“I wanted to do a biography of Emma Smith. That was the first day. That was my first step, going to the Church Archives. . . . There was nothing written about Emma. I wanted to know about her, and there was no way to do it except to find out myself.” {Linda K. Newell} Leonard encouraged the two women and gave them guidance as they began to peruse the collections at the LDS Archives.
Prince, Gregory A. Leonard Arrington and the Writing of Mormon History . University of Utah Press.
This book deserves to be read. It should be a prerequisite for any female entering Relief Society. There’s so much to be learned for any woman, any man, and especially any Mormon. I’m not going to tell her story in the usual birth to death highlights kind of way. Instead we’re going to delve into parts unknown or hidden so deep in history, that they are barely spoken.
In order to know this is truth from reliable sources, feel free to read Mormon Enigma for yourself. This book is an extensive dive into the life of Emma Smith. Leonard Arrington (LDS church historian called by the First Presidency) spoke highly of their work in his personal journal.
Leonard’s trust in the two women was well placed. Nine years after Newell self-consciously walked into the Historical Department for the first time, after thousands of hours of research, writing, rewriting, delivering papers, and more research in both the LDS, RLDS, and other archives, she and Avery published an award-winning biography of Emma Smith through a national publishing house, Doubleday & Company.
Prince, Gregory A. Leonard Arrington and the Writing of Mormon History . University of Utah Press.
Part I: Love and Loss
One fact is undeniable in Emma Smith’s history, she loved Joseph immensely. Her life was not easy being the wife of someone believed by his followers to be a prophet with unorthodox beliefs in the early 1800’s. Yet, she stayed by his side through all of the suffering and turmoil.
They married in 1827 and by 1830 Emma had lost her first three children, and her relationship with her parents was strained. Joseph and Isaac Hale, Emma’s father, had a tumultuous relationship due to Emma and Joseph eloping, Joseph’s treasure digging, and Isaac’s frustration with Joseph constantly borrowing money from friends and family. Emma still supported Joseph with his high ambitions of beginning a new religion. She truly believed in his prophetic calling. This caused a divide between Emma and her parents, and she would leave Harmony (and her family) never to return.
After establishing the new church and printing the Book of Mormon, Joseph and Emma moved to Kirtland and lived with the Whitney family. At this time, there were two young girls in the home, six-year-old Sarah Ann Whitney and eleven-year-old Mary Elizabeth Rollins. They adored the prophet Joseph and spoke of him with awe.
Emma, not suspecting the role the two young girls would eventually play in her life, watched as Joseph gave them his appreciative attention. — Mormon Enigma
What role did the girls play? Well these two young girls would become polygamous wives of Joseph Smith but without the blessing of Emma. He would marry Sarah Ann (six years at the time they met) when she reached the age of 17 years. This was done through a revelation to both the parents and to Sarah Ann. At this point, the families were not living together but were extremely close. This excerpt is from a letter Joseph wrote to Sarah and her parents while he was hiding from the local law.
I know it is the will of God that you should comfort me now in this time of affliction, or not at [all] now is the time or never, but I hav no kneed of saying any such thing, to you, for I know the goodness of your hearts, and that you will do the will of the Lord, when it is made known to you; the only thing to be careful of; is to find out when Emma comes then you cannot be safe, but when she is not here, there is the most perfect safty … Clearly, Emma does not know of the marriage to Sarah Ann, so Joseph must meet Sarah only when there is no risk of his first wife finding out.
Compton, Todd M.. In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith (Kindle Locations 8180–8185). Signature Books.
Mary Elizabeth (in 1830 she was 11 years old) said that just one year later at the age of twelve Joseph, “told me about his great vision concerning me. He said I was the first woman God commanded him to take as a plural wife.” She did not marry Joseph for several years but this early conversation planted a seed which Mary Elizabeth long remembered. (Mormon Enigma)
One of the most well known incidents occurred shortly after the birth of Joseph III. Emma caught Joseph in the barn with a hired girl, nineteen year-old Fanny Alger. Fanny worked in the Smith home in 1835. An affair between Joseph and Fanny began shortly thereafter, which unfortunately Emma found out about the hard way. One night she could not find Joseph or Fanny, and she went out to look for them. She found them in the barn together alone “celestializing.” I’m sure Emma was angry and heartbroken by this betrayal. Fanny was sent away shortly thereafter.
Part II: Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun
Emma’s life at this time was a far cry from stable. The 1830’s were filled with a move from Harmony to Kirtland and on to Missouri. Joseph was imprisoned, and his life threatened many times. The rumors were constant about Joseph’s secret marriages and business dealings. Emma seemed to be either pregnant or burying a child.
She was not only caring for her own children, but also many in the community were given a room and meal by her. Emma often hired young women in the community to help in the home, and families who needed somewhere to stay were given refuge.
Emma and Joseph took in the Walker children after their mother died and, their father was sent on a mission. Lucy recorded that “the prophet and his wife introduced us as their sons and daughters.”
Mother Walker, “died on January 18, 1842. John took this death very much to heart, and his health “seemed to give way” as a result. At this point Joseph Smith intervened in the Walker family’s affairs, as he often did in the lives of his followers. His solution to the problem was curious– he separated the Walker family from their father and “adopted” most of them himself, including Lucy…Smith proposed to fifteen- or sixteen-year-old Lucy, demanding that she marry him. In her extraordinary autobiography she wrote, “In the year 1842 President Joseph Smith sought an interview with me, and said, ‘I have a message for you, I have been commanded of God to take another wife, and you are the woman.’
Compton, Todd M.. In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith (Kindle Locations 10672–10674). Signature Books. Kindle Edition.
A very similar story would happen with two other girls hired to help, Emily and Eliza Partridge. We’ll return to their story later.
As the rumors flew about, Joseph continued to marry in secret. This made Emma constantly suspicious of where he was and what was going on that she wasn’t aware of. I ache for Emma when I read these stories. She loved Joseph so deeply and even revered him yet she continued to be left out of her own marriage. Many of Joseph’s bodyguards would say that she wept often during this time as the rumors (which turned out to be true) spread about her husband’s secret rendezvouses.
In early 1842 the Relief Society was formed to help care for the poor, aid the elders of the church, and “correct the morals of the community.” During the second meeting Emma pointed out concerns of some women who were spreading “scandalous falsehoods on the character of Prest. Joseph Smith.” Many of the women in this group were privy to the teachings of plural marriage, and several of the women in that very room were already married to Joseph, unbeknownst to Emma. One rumor was of particular concern to Emma, and she went as far as having the young lady who was accused of spreading the rumor sign a statement declaring that she had “never seen conduct or conversation of either Pres. Smith or Mrs. Agnes Smith...derogatory to the characters of either of them” (Mormon Enigma). Unfortunately, Emma’s worries were correct, Agnes Smith was already a plural wife of Joseph.
Emma continued to push the need for virtue to the women of the Relief Society. This gave many women leverage when Joseph or other high ranking elders approached them about plural marriage. Since the prophet’s wife was preaching virtue and calling out “iniquity by those in authority” the women felt more comfortable refusing plural marriage. The person in authority that she was referring to was actually John Bennett another high ranking elder in the church. He would be accused of abusing his power however.
By 1844 Emma became more emboldened in speaking out on the need for virtue and specifically reaffirming traditional standards of marriage. She read Joseph’s public denials of polygamy and asked the women to make a public oath with their hands raised in support of virtue. The men were so upset by the problems this caused that the Relief Society was disbanded for over a decade.
Within a year Brigham Young would say, ‘When I want Sisters or the Wives of the members of the church to get up Relief Society I will summon them to my aid, but until that time let them stay at home…’ John Taylor said the ‘reason why the Relief Society did not continue from the first organization was that Emma Smith the Pres. taught the Sisters that the principle of Celestial Marriage was not of God.” Mormon Enigma
One of the most difficult parts of polygamy for Emma had to be when she discovered her closest friend, Eliza Snow, was secretly married to Joseph. Eliza and Joseph seemed to have a very close relationship and though the details are murky, there was some sort of physical altercation between Eliza and Emma. Eliza was sent out of the home, and the relationship between the two women would never be the same again.
This incident forced Emma to recognize that Joseph was really marrying other women behind her back. Joseph could no longer deny what was happening.
Part III: Ultimatums
In an attempt to help get Emma on board with polygamy, Hyrum asked Joseph to write down the revelation and he would present it to Emma. Joseph told him this wouldn’t work, but Hyrum attempted anyway and when he returned Joseph asked how the meeting went. Hyrum responded with, “I have never received a more severe talking to in my life. Emma is very bitter and full of resentment and anger.” Personally, I don’t know why Hyrum was surprised by her reaction and neither was Joseph. He said to Hyrum, “I told you you did not know Emma as well as I did.” Emma would later burn this revelation in front of Joseph. She detested it so much that she would not touch it to put it in the fire but instead used tongs. Fortunately for Joseph he had a copy.
The next attempt to get Emma to see the light on polygamy came by revelation.
“Let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me,” and it continues with Joseph would receive, “an hundred-fold of this world, of wives” if she would not obey. Emma’s choices were to accept more wives willingly, or they would be forced upon her. Mormon Enigma, D&C 132
Joseph introduced the endowment to some elders of the church which contained certain promises. Men must obey God to receive the endowment and, women must obey their husband. Emma would not be able to receive the endowment until she accepted plural marriage. Joseph reminded Emma that she could not be sealed to him or their children for eternity if she did not accept polygamy and receive her endowment.
This seemed to convince Emma to allow Joseph to have multiple wives. She did have one condition though, she would choose his wives. She chose the four women working in her home. At this time Joseph already had at least 16 wives that Emma had no idea about.
Emily (19) and Eliza (23) Partridge had lived in the Smith home for two years and helped Emma with the upkeep of home and family. Joseph married these young women two months prior to Emma choosing them. He informed the Partridge sisters that they would have to do a second wedding ceremony since Emma was not aware of the previous marriage. I’m sure he did NOT want to tell her after just barely getting her consent. Five days after making this sacrifice Emma was rewarded with receiving the endowment.
Emma’s feelings of acceptance didn’t last long though. Eliza Partridge recalled that one day she and Joseph were alone together in her room. Emma, as she often did, was searching the home for Joseph when he and a girl were missing. Joseph quickly shut the door when he heard Emma coming, but Emma kept knocking and called out Eliza’s name four times. Finally, Joseph opened the door and Emma was “much irritated.” Emma seemed to go back and forth on polygamy. It had to be a continual inner struggle. She loved Joseph and truly believed him to be a prophet of God, but plural marriage felt wrong.
She was so sick of polygamy that once during an argument with Joseph, he would state that she told him, “if he would continue to indulge himself, she would too!” It was just two and a half weeks after this conversation that this revelation was given which seems to reflect Joseph’s feelings about Emma’s proposal.
This paragraph speaks directly to Emma, “And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed.” Mormon Enigma, D&C 132
Part IV: Deceived by the Devil
Many years later when Emma was asked where the church got it’s doctrine of spiritual wives Emma replied, “straight from hell, madam.” Joseph even said something similar to William Marks:
“We are a ruined people, This doctrine of polygamy of Spiritual-wife System, that has been taught and practiced among us, will prove our destruction and overthrow, I have been deceived, in reference to its practice, it is wrong; it is a curse to mankind..” Mormon Enigma
After Joseph’s death, Emma did not leave with the saints west. She was pregnant at the time and had just lost her husband so this was understandable. However, Brigham Young becoming the next leader of the church wasn’t be any means a clear cut decision. He wanted Emma’s support and tried to get her to come with them. Heber C. Kimball and Benjamin Johnson were sent to talk Emma into coming west. Emma, however, said she would only go if they abandoned plural marriage. Emma was very concerned about her sons practicing polygamy in the future and her daughter being taken as a plural wife. This seems to be at least part of the reason why she would deny polygamy ever happened in the future.
Financial stress was placed on Emma and Lucy M. Smith to try and get them to come west. Almon Babbit would leave later than the rest of the saints and one of the reasons he stated to Emma was so that the church could “make you so poor that you be willing and glad to go out there for protection. I have been appointed to accomplish that purpose and I propose to do so.” Emma responded,
“Almon Babbitt it may be possible for you to make me poor, but you could never make me poor enough to induce me to follow Brigham Young!” Mormon Enigma
Part V: Final Thoughts
Emma’s story has made me seriously think about what could have been. What if Emma was right and polygamy was not of God? What if Joseph had listened to her? How would the church look now? How would a woman’s role be different now? I believe Emma was speaking truth when she proclaimed this doctrine to be wrong. There simply was no need for it. A loving God would not, in my opinion, ask that of His daughters. A loving Mother in Heaven would not allow it.
Emma’s name is not spoken enough in our meetings. None of the women in the history of the church have their teachings and lives discussed enough. The acts of service, the love of virtue, and the closeness Emma felt to God that enabled her to try and fight polygamy should be heralded. Unfortunately, until polygamy is disavowed as the racist teachings on the priesthood have been, we will not be able to speak openly in church meetings about the courage of Emma.
For more of my thoughts on polygamy read my previous post.
