Good job, mama!
Being a woman is hard.
Being a wife is hard.
Being pregnant is hard.
Giving birth is hard.
Raising children is hard.
It’s time we gave each other a break.
A break from all the negativity and criticism.
Today, I want to tell you, mama, how awesome you are for doing “nothing” more than giving birth. No matter how you did it, or who told you what, YOU did it, and that is all that matters.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought it would be neat to see how far I could go during labor without needing pain medications of any kind. I wasn’t anti-medication, I simply wanted to see what I could handle. I had someone tell me, though, that since I hadn’t taken any child birthing classes, I wouldn’t be able to give birth naturally. Like, my body would never go into labor because it knew I hadn’t taken classes and I wasn’t prepared? Well, that wasn’t the case, and I made it to 8 centimeters dilated before I panicked about becoming a mother for the first time and asked for an epidural. Did I put myself down for not being able to give birth naturally? No, ma’am. You shouldn’t do that either. No matter how you gave birth, you should be proud of what you did.
Birth Plans Never Go as Planned.
Did you have plans to have a natural labor, but, due to uncontrollable circumstances, you had to have a cesarean section? Good job for making sure you and your baby were safe and well in these first steps of parenthood and childhood.
Were you planning on going fully medicated, but ended up having your baby on the side of the road because your labor progressed too fast? Good job for being brave in such a scary situation.
Maybe you had friends coaching you on the best ways to prep for labor and the best ways to make your labor go smoothly and effortlessly. But you had too many other worries to focus on that, so when you actually went into labor you felt unprepared, but your body did its thing anyway, medicated or not. Good job for not giving up on yourself.
Did you have your first baby naturally and your second baby medicated? Good job for knowing what was best for you to get you the happy ending you deserve.
Or did you labor for hours and hours until your body was too weak to do it on its own anymore, and they had to help the baby out? Good job for sticking with it through all that.
Be a Supportive Woman.
Giving birth is a terrifying, exciting, joyful, and pressure filled time. We as women should ONLY ever support one another, and never criticize or downplay one kind of delivery over another. We live in a world of polar opposites. You are either on Team A or Team B and you can never ever sympathize, support, or cheer on the other team. This needs to stop. We are all on the same team, the human team. As women and mother’s we need all the love and support we can get. Because I chose to have my second and third child naturally, does not mean that I would ever look down on you for having all your children with the aid of medication. I chose what was best for me (I had a bad experience with the side effects of the epidural, so that was enough of that for me). Do I get criticized for my choice though? All the time.
I’m not a “peaceful” natural child birther. I sound like I’m trying to dead lift 500 lbs (I can’t even do 50, you guys). My husband says I sound “just like they do on T.V.” I’ve mentioned this to people before, and they’ll say things like, “oh you should try hypnobirthing”, or, “that’s why you should get an epidural”, or some other “helpful” advice. I’ll politely respond, but in the end, the system I figured out works just great for me.
This does not mean we can’t give advice, or help others prepare for their own momentous occasion of child birth. What it does mean is that we should ask the mom-to-be what her plans are, or if she has any, rather than tell her what to do. Say something like, “so, what are your plans for delivery? Every one has a different plan and I love learning about them!” Then, if she responds by saying something and then says, “Isn’t that what you did?” or “I could never do what you did, though.” you give her all the encouragement and praise you can and tell her if she ever has questions, she can feel free to hit you up. That’s what friends do. That’s what moms do. It’s what strong women do. Take advice or give advice, but only if it is wanted.
You can do it!
Mama, whether you have given birth before, or are about to for the first time, do what makes YOU feel good. If that is going to a million child birth classes, or reading every book in the library on labor and delivery that you can find, then do that. If it’s just planning on winging it when you get to the hospital, then good for you. Be confident in your choices, take the advice you want to, and politely leave the rest behind. Don’t let anyone tear you down for doing what feels the best for you.
Remember this advice also applies to bottle or breast feeding, diapering, clothing, sleep training, solid food introduction, toys, screen time, etc. You will always hear from someone that what you are doing is not what they think you should be doing. Trust your gut. Trust your instinct. You’ve got this.
Mama, you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are strong.
Good job for doing the best you can.
Good job, mama!
