I only have control over myself

You know when life has been trying to teach you a lesson, for like… five years? And you think you’ve “gotten it”, but then something happens and it hits you- like REALLY hits you. It’s that “aha” moment, where it genuinely sinks in on a soul level. Yeah, that just happened to me. I can only control myself. I can only control my reactions to situations. I have zero control over other people’s perceptions. I have zero control over other people’s reactions. I have zero control over other people’s opinions of me. Holy shit.

It sucks. We can be as well-intentioned, kind, respectful, helpful (fill in the blank) as we want to, and some people are going to react in a way that we didn’t intend for them to. But the point is that we can’t do ANYTHING with the intention or expectation of another person’s behavior.

As I’m writing this, it sounds like such an elementary concept, but apparently it took me 31 years to fully grasp this. That social media post you posted this morning with the picture of you and your dog with the caption, “So grateful for this sweet, furry buddy!” And you really meant it to just mean that- I really love and am grateful for this dog. Someone just read that and is currently twisting it into “That dog is surely more important to her than I am, because, obviously. She’s so obsessed with that dog I don’t even know what she’s going to do when x, y, and z. I can’t believe she’d post that she’s grateful for the dog, when she didn’t post a picture of her kid saying how grateful she was for them!” The list can go on forever because there are a million ways that people can interpret things, and frankly most of them are probably not at all what you had originally intended. As I’m writing I’m getting heated about my dislike of social media for this specific reason, but that’s a whole other blog post.

This is what I’m getting at- people will perceive something, and depending on their current status and situation (maybe THEIR dog just died- maybe they don’t like that breed of dog or believe it should be a family pet- maybe their current general wellness is playing a part, maybe they are just going through it…who knows!) they will view your actions and react, and you have absolutely no say in what that looks like.

I have no say in how other people react to me. I keep repeating this, because the idea is currently descending into that spot in my heart where learned lessons are stored.

So now what do I do? I show up. I’m honest. I’m kind. I respect myself enough to set boundaries. I am the best mom I know I can be. I do everything to the best of my ability given my current circumstances. That’s what I do.

It seems to be a current theme in my life right now through conversations with good friends about “letting go”. Whether that be relationships, your idea of what you thought a relationship was going to look like, physical items, exc. It seems to be a time of cleaning out the “junk” drawer. As painful as this process can be, I truly believe it is liberating and extremely important.

I have a belief (someone told me this a few years ago and it’s just always rang so true to me) that we are like onions. We are allowed to go through certain difficult situations in order to peel the layers away, and as each one is either delicately or aggressively stripped away, we become closer and closer to being our truest, most authentic selves. It’s finding our identity while going through and sometimes despite the situations we go through.

These lessons are not always easy. This one was certainly not for me, but I am extremely grateful that I finally get it/accept it. I cannot control situations or other people. I do my best every damn day, and show up in the way that I would want to be treated. I protect my heart while surrendering to the fact that people will always misinterpret. Surrender…wow. That holds so much weight and freedom simultaneously.

People will always judge. People will always criticize and have their own opinions, in which they are equally entitled to. And all I have control over is the choice to either extend or retract my energy towards anyone at any time. Holding the highest hope in human beings, while setting my own personal boundaries, that if there is ever miscommunication that it is handled in an appropriate fashion and we can live our lives as judgement-free as possible.

I only have control over myself.

I only have control over myself.

I only have control over myself.