A Path Out of the Darkness
There is an unfortunate belief within the faith community that I have, thankfully, not heard in recent years, but I am sure still exists. It is the idea that if you just believe really really hard, God will heal everything. Especially mentally illness. It is the idea that if you are suffering from depression or anxiety or any other mental illness, it is because your faith in God just isn’t strong enough.
In the meantime, there is post upon post of people talking about how God healed their mental illness. Mine are included in that. And it’s great! But we have to be careful that these posts don’t fall into the “if you just believe harder…” category.
Mental health is hard. Humans are hard, brains are hard, bodies are hard, life is hard. It’s all hard. Understanding and being able to do something with it is hard. It takes work and effort and it is so, so tiring. To hear that your struggles are a result of “not believing hard enough”…? Isn’t it all hard enough already?
I want my posts to be different. I don’t want to just tell you that God “fixed” me (I didn’t need “fixing,” I needed healing). I don’t want you to think I just believed the right amount and God made everything go away. I don’t want you to feel like I had something more or something special that God was willing to help me and not you.
A lot of posts that I see about God healing others are very uplifting, but not always specific. And I understand why; it’s much easier to just say “I had demons and now they’re gone” than to say how. To say that I would cry for hours on end and force myself in between tears to find at least five things to thank God for. To try and remember what being in that dark place was like, and what I did to get out of it. I don’t remember what it felt like, but consequently I don’t remember how I got out.
I want you to know how I got out. I want you to know what I did to find God, and to let God heal me, and the realizations that I had to have and internalize to make this healing possible. It wasn’t easy. It didn’t all just magically go away. I had to put in the time and effort to process and heal.
I promise, it was worth it. In so many ways, it was worth it.
I want to be honest with you. I don’t want to send you with promises, but no idea how to actually start doing it. I want you to tell you, and pray that it helps you get out, too.
So that is what my posts on this blog will be. The issues I faced, how I got out of them. If you find them helpful, pass them on. It doesn’t help anyone if we keep it all bottled up.
Your journey will be different than mine, and that is okay. But perhaps my journey can make yours a bit easier.
I believe this is an important conversation to have. A path out of darkness, perhaps. God willing.
