Dating Tips Haphazardly Based off of my Superficial Knowledge of DOCTOR WHO Fandom
Ok, I’m what you’ll call a casual Doctor Who fan. I’ve never watched the original series, I don’t watch the Christmas specials and I didn’t watch the rebooted series until I needed something long and ongoing to align with my workout regime. Did I enjoy it? Oh god, yes. It’s fantastic stuff, really. But in no way am I superfan.
But I’ve been on the internet long enough to know where the Whovians hang out. There are pretty immaculate Whovian wedding themes going down on Pinterest. And gosh darn, a veritable trove of adorable T.A.R.D.I.S. themed crafts and knick-knacks in every hand-made Etsy showcase.
These Doctor Who fans make stuff. They love stuff. They care really, really hard about making sure they and everyone else they know are constantly reminded that they really love Doctor Who.
It’s not a stretch to say that Whovians are some of the nicest fandoms out there. And they want to be nice at you for liking Doctor Who, too.
So who wouldn’t want to date a Whovian?
Right. So let’s assume everyone should want to date a Whovian. Where do you start?
First, adopt a bow-tie habit.
If you are a dude, there a vast array of sartorial options already compatible with your gender paradigm. Bully! If you’re a woman, you could wear them in your hair. Or maybe a cute bow-tie necklace. Or like maybe these little bowtie earrings. OR YOU COULD JUST NOT GIVE A FUCK, WOMEN, AND WEAR THEM AROUND YOUR NECK BECAUSE GENDER IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT. Or this. This is cute.
Ok, second. Second, you probably need to further signal how much you love Doctor Who. So I recommend that in addition to a bowtie—which should (this goes without saying) have blue T.A.R.D.I.S.s all over it—you should also consider adopting some other permanent accessory that signals to the observer, “Yes, by jove, that is a dedicated fan of Doctor Who. What a fine pants-wearer is they, indeed.” This is good. This is what you want. It has been in my experience that fans of Doctor Who are virtually always delighted to come upon another fan of Doctor Who in the wild. This is not the case with many other shows. For example, Law & Order SVU fans do not seem thrilled by themselves as a collective demographic.
Third, based on what I know, there is a lot of running in Doctor Who. Virtually every episode features a running scene and I know for a fact that even mentioning how often they run is an ongoing meme in the Whovian community. I have this on very good authority. So running a lot seems to be a good way to fit in with this group.
Oh, right, fourthly. Memes are an absolute must. There are many places you can find Doctor Who memes on the internet, but by far, the best option is obviously Pinterest. (You thought I was going to say Tumblr, right? WRONG! Tumblr is where you go for animated gifs, stupid.) What do I do with these memes, you might ask? Oh, you use them everywhere you are online. In your twitter feed to punctuate your witticism about snack choices with more wit, on Facebook as birthday messages to people you barely care about and in your emails to illustrate fundamental truths about our human nature to your coworkers. This will let it be known far and wide that you are a dedicated Whovian.
This could perhaps work in your favor when one day an attractive so-and-so tells a mutual friend that they are single and would love to mingle with a fellow Whovian. I’ve known this to happen. My lifetime sample size contains more than one such example of some so-and-so asking to be set up with a Whovian. Whovians know what they want and they go for it, apparently.
Fifthly, something should be said of actually becoming a doctor. Now, the Doctor in the Doctor Who series is literally as old as the Redwoods or some shit like that, so there’s no point in trying to be as smart as the Doctor. But you could dedicate your life to learning something so unbelievably well that other really smart people hand you a doctoral sword and you can wave it around like you know your shit and are ready to use it to cut through ignorance.
Seriously, hot.
(They award doctoral swords only in Finland. But when I graduate, I will be commissioning my own American doctoral sword with like ruby-encrusted eagles shooting emerald-encrusted lasers.)
Anyway, become a doctor. I’m repeatedly told in my single life that eventually men will find my doctoral candidacy attractive. (Which, duh, of course they do. I doubt that’s the issue. Seriously, other people in my life, go away until you make sense.)
Our time here is at an end because there’s really only so much I can possibly say about this without doing some actual research. But you should probably equip a Doctor Who ringtone to your phone and buy a hand-made T.A.R.D.I.S. case. These are just gimmes but I think it’s a great place to end this.
