There must be a Key

The time. The time for what? I’m hungry, no there’s something else, a cigarette won’t do it, but it’s a start. The hours of thinking, yes it had been hours, hours of sitting around the airport, waiting, maybe it was the association with waiting that started me wanting. As if the wanting wasn’t always there. Maybe I’m too aware. Maybe she too is aware. She’s aware of something, everyone’s aware of something, aren’t they? It’s a game, but she has her own rules. I think I know what they are, but they’re not fair. I should know, isn’t that what public school is all about, “Playing Fair”! You have to be honest to play fair. I can be honest, well anyway, how honest you are is how honest you appear. She can be honest, too. Or at least her body can, or when she’s tired, too tired to fight it. I wish I knew how tired she had to be. I never wanted to upset her. Why did she cry? Too much of what? Me pushing, her pulling away, or maybe she knows too much, too much of what is to come. What is to come? I don’t know or maybe I don’t want to know, maybe I’m the one that’s being dishonest with myself? All I know is I want her to want me, to want to be with me sometimes, not to have sex, but yes maybe to touch her, to make her come, to scream with pleasure, to release all that passion that sits quietly behind the glass cage. The cage isn’t really made of glass, I can only sometimes see in, but at other times I can smell her, smell the warmth of her body, of her body wanting me. And sometimes I can feel her, feel her reaching through the bars to touch me. But there’s always something to hold her back as she stretches to reach me. As we lay in bed together I felt it. I could feel the bars give a little as she brushed her fingers over my arm, but they were made of stronger stuff and would not bend or break. So it won’t break, or bend, I try to make out I’m smart, but using force isn’t smart. There’s a key, there has to be a key. The key that locked her in there to start with. I don’t even see the lock, how will I find the key. Maybe she will help me, or help us, when she too realises that there must be a key.

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