Contemplation on Futility

I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t want to write about what I was really thinking. I had a job interview on Tuesday and another one today. I knew I wouldn’t get these jobs. And, I didn’t. One was for $35K/yr and the other was for $140K/yr. I was far and away the most qualified candidate for either job. The interviews went great. Everyone (says) they loved me. And yet, I don’t get the job. No matter what the job is — I don’t get it. This has been going on for five years now. For five years I have been searching for a job and for five years I can’t get a job. How long can someone stay positive in this kind of environment? How long can someone survive? How long can someone hold onto their sanity? I’ve already lost mine. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what it takes to convince someone to let me work. To let me go on living. Do I beg? No, you can’t be desperate. I blew a chance with that. Yet, I’m looking at a situation where I’m going to be living on the street again because I literally can’t get a job no matter how hard I try. No matter how good I am. No matter how much people like me. I can’t get a job. I try to be positive. I try all that new-age stuff mediation, NLP, tapping. It doesn’t work. Not for me. I can’t get a job. I’m trying so hard. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to die.