‘Iddiction’ And The Decline Of The Traditional Family
Having children is one of the most beautiful experiences that you can share with the person you love. It is a right of passage in life, the ultimate sign of maturity in an individual, and perhaps the most selfless gesture you will ever make. When you have a child, you admit that the world doesn’t revolve around you and that your daily desires don’t matter as much as those of this tiny person to whom you have given life. When you and your spouse, as a loving couple, make the conscious decision to have a baby, you also make the conscious decision to create a family — a whole that is greater than the two parts.
That is, in a perfect world! And by no means is our modern world perfect. I dare say in the history of the world, never has there been a less perfect — more ‘me-centric’ — atmosphere to try to be a selfless parent and raise a close-knit family that is greater than the two parts. Never have effective parenting strategies been harder to formulate than since the advent of technology — partially due to raising kids with phones. Therefore, we need not blame well-intentioned parents for the failure of the family unit; however, we can’t ignore the fact that ‘family’ no longer has the same intimate connotation in a multi-screen world that it once did, back in the day.
Traditionally, the family unit was the center of your life, and you lived close to your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. This extended family was as big a part of your life as your immediate family. According to a study entitled Family and Intimate Relationships: A Review of the Sociological Research, performed by the Families & Social Capital ESRC Research Group at South Bank University in London, “From a sociological perspective changes in family and personal relationships are a consequence of post-industrialisation, which has led to the de-traditionalisation and individualisation of social life.”
This change has been slowly taking place since the turn of the 20th century and has sped up exponentially in the last decade with the mainstreaming of technology and the Internet. The intimacy of the family unit has become more diluted than ever. The family is continually bombarded by countless messages from outside forces due to increasing access and overindulgence in technology. Inevitably as these forces infiltrate the family unit they negatively impact family closeness, threaten the maintenance of strong family bonds, and undermine the cultivation of relationships between children and parents.
We live in a 24 hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week Internet world where individuals, as well as businesses, are eagerly competing to be seen. The messages get more and more provocative in a desperate effort to vie for the attention of the consumer. And it’s working; more people are ‘Iddicted’ than ever. The curiosity factor inherent to human nature makes it virtually impossible for us to turn away from this train wreck known as the Internet. Perhaps the most tragic part is that children learn by example, and unfortunately, many parents seem to be setting the wrong one.
We have a generation of parents that have become dependent on electronic devices and the Internet — under the guise of doing business or keeping connected with family and friends. Many times these parents, struggling with their own dependency, are trying to teach their children to ‘use’ technology responsibly.
I hear from countless parents (especially those with teenage children) that one of the biggest child-rearing challenges they face in today’s multi-screen world is managing technology. They complain that their teen would rather be on an electronic device than participating in family time; that their teenager can’t make it through the dinner hour without checking their mobile device; that their teen is neglecting life responsibilities because of technology. More problematic is that not only do some of these same parents use technology in excess themselves, but they very well may have made the mistake of using technology at one time or another as a babysitter, or as a convenient distraction, or even as a teaching tool for their children when they were younger. Ironically, they want to unplug their children except when it’s convenient for them to plug-in their children. This conduct is sending mixed messages to children.
I have witnessed this parental behavior time and time again in restaurants, the pediatrician’s office, grocery stores, shopping malls, the hair salon, etc. I have seen children (some as young as seven years old) with their own mobile devices and phones, while parents sit engrossed on theirs. I have seen parents handing over their devices to distract or appease their two-year-olds. I know parents who have purchased ‘educational’ computer games for their pre-school children. Are any of these parents stopping to consider the seeds they sow and the consequences they shall reap? I think not.
Recently a group of Chinese researchers referred to screens as being as addictive as heroin on the human brain. Just because our culture and society are not presently treating it as such, doesn’t mean that technology is not extremely dangerous — especially for the young and vulnerable brain. Our overuse and abuse of technology for our children is pretty scary stuff. Electronic devices and the Internet leveling a decline in family intimacy should be of concern to parents, but more worrisome is the actual physical changes and damaging effects that overuse of them could be causing on their children’s developing brains.
Admittedly technology offers many tremendous benefits to our world; therefore, I certainly don’t mean to suggest that we should all raise our children off the grid in the middle of the woods somewhere, unacquainted with society, like Viggo Mortensen in the 2016 movie Captain Fantastic. Ignoring the technology revolution in the world around us could be seen as living in a state of denial the likes of no other — a state of denial so huge we’d likely have to assign it a zip code!
If we are not to ignore technology, then we must be prepared to respond to it by teaching our children how to use it properly and with self-control. This education should start in the home when children are as young as possible; however, there is no time like the present, and it’s never too late, so start today.
Here are some simple tips that will help you reduce the risk of ‘Iddiction’ for your children and increase togetherness in your home:
• I can’t stress enough, set good examples for your children with your behavior. It’s the basics of what’s taught in Social Learning Theory 101 — Monkey see, monkey do!
• Be clear and concise in your expectations and rules as you place and enforce strict limits on technology. Decide what these expectations and limits will be, based on the ages of each child. The American Academy of Pediatrics is a good place to start for age guidelines and time restrictions.
• Perhaps the most important rule to set for children is that bedrooms are positively off limits for technology. This rule is especially important in the teenage years. Cell phones and laptops should always dock in a central location in the home.
• Share dinner as a family every night of the week. This practice becomes increasingly difficult the older children get and the more activities they are involved in; however, it’s okay to have late dinners if it means waiting for everyone to get home and eating together!
• The dinner table should always be a technology-free zone for everyone in the family — parents included — no exceptions made. I say dinner table, but that goes for breakfast and lunch too! I’m talking, mealtimes in general.
• Driving time should also be technology-free time. Obviously, by law, it is so for the driver, why not have it be so for all the passengers too? I realize it’s much easier to plug-in children rather than listen to them whine about how much longer they have to be in the car or argue with each other — but be creative and find something else for them to do. I used to keep games, paper, crayons, flash cards, and short reads in the map pockets on the seats. It can also be a time to listen to music together, catch-up on what happened in their day, listen to a podcast or an audiobook, or simply take in the sights surrounding you. We also used to play the alphabet game — see who would be the first one to find all 26 letters of the alphabet on road signs. Finding a Q, Y, and Z could keep this game going for hours!
• When your child is bored at home, resist the temptation to plug-in. Whether it’s TV, video games, or the Internet, it’s all screen time — use it as a last resort. Whatever happened to climbing a tree, reading a book, knitting a scarf, building a birdhouse, beading a necklace, riding a bicycle, painting a picture, baking a loaf of bread? These are all great — and productive — cures for boredom.
• Make one day a month ‘Family Outing Day’ and spend the entire day technology free. You might try hiking, biking, picnicking — or visiting a local museum, adventure park, or other attraction. There are many things to see and places to visit outside the home, in whichever state you live! So, explore — explore — explore!
• Another great idea for celebrating the day as a family is ‘Family Game Day.’ These days were especially fun in the Northeast when it was cold and blustery outside. We used to stay in our PJs all day long and play board games in front of a roaring fire. At the end of the day, we would each build a personal pizza and curl up watching a movie. ‘Foul’ — you might call? Remember, there is a time for technology and at least with a ‘Family Movie Night,’ you’re all sharing the same screen!
• Make sure older children have responsibilities around the house too — chores if you will. Cleaning, cooking, gardening, caring for pets — anything that parents have to do to keep the household running is fair game for children. Not only will it help children pass the day — and build character — it will help free up some of your time too. Not to mention, completing chores can be used as an incentive for the reward of a little screen time here and there.
• Every single holiday should be a screen-free day — period. That goes for Mom and Dad too. If the office is closed in celebration — the screen should be off and the family should be in celebration too!
• Initiate a family project. Homespun and Hands-On® can help with this! Consider purchasing a Hands-On Kit ’n’ Kaboodle™ for your children ages 5–13. Our fun, educational products are ‘simply perfect’ for any family because they make it ‘perfectly simple’ for parents to create meaningful family time. Considering having fun while learning about Vincent van Gogh or Henri Matisse and Chic Young. You’ll be creating a lasting family memory and a priceless keepsake in the process!
These are just a few simple ideas built around effective parenting strategies that will help you in raising kids with phones! So, get your family on the right track to a healthy relationship with technology while enjoying a more traditional family life, abounding with togetherness, in a multi-screen world. Your first step should be to UNPLUG everybody from their screen!
If you have any other ideas, please share them with us by commenting, either below or on our Facebook page. We want to hear from you!
This blog was originally posted at homespunandhandson.com.
