Childhood Friend of Convicted Rapist Brock Turner Leslie Rasmussmen’s Guide To Seeing If You’ve Been Raped

Photo of convicted rapist Brock Turner from Stanford University

If, and only if, the following conditions have been satisfied, may you say that you have been a victim of rape.

1. Were you kidnapped?
2. Were you on the way to your car?
3. Was your car in a parking lot?
4. Were you sober (rape can’t happen if you’ve been drinking alcohol: it increases emotions and feelings and can lead to misunderstandings, but not rape)
5. Was your rapist someone who went to elementary school with someone else? People who went to elementary school with other people are kind, sweet and smart people who could never possibly rape someone.
6. Were you on a university campus? Rape doesn’t happen on university campuses because people are rapists, it’s political correctness gone too far.
7. The rapist must have gone out that night making sure that rape was on their mind.

With absolutely no apologies at all to Leslie Rasmussen, who wrote a letter to Judge Aaron Persky in advance of the sentencing of convicted rapist Brock Turner.