The last week or so has just been one big old lesson on the actual definition of ‘Sod’s Law’. I already knew the meaning of this expression, but God or fate or whoever controls everything that goes on around here decided I needed a practical lesson on the subject. So here are my findings….. Sod’s law is when First Bite Syndrome (that condition I had for 7 months that made eating really painful since my op) finally decides it has tortured me long enough and heals itself, then a week later I lose all ability to taste anything because radiotherapy has killed my taste buds. Sod’s law is when for the first time in your life you are told how important it is to have a really high calorie intake and keep your weight up at the same time as all pleasures of eating become non-existent due to no functioning taste buds! Literally could’ve blind folded me and fed me dog food and i’d have been none the wiser.
Last week was my worst week of all i’d say. As of last monday, everything I tried to eat wasn’t tasting as it should so as a result I wasn’t really eating much of any of my meals so by about thursday I was feeling really hungry and like I needed a good dinner! My throat also started to hurt last week which is another side effect, it is now red raw like it has been sunburnt on the inside and swallowing is incredibly painful and i’ve developed about a million ulcers over the course of last week to so long story short, my mouth is f*cked! These were all attributing causes of my mini emotional breakdown I had on Friday morning. I’ll set the scene — Phil and I were on our way back from radiotherapy and I was starving and really fancied a nice cereal which I knew we had at home. So remaining optimistic that I would be able to taste it as I craved it, I looked forward to having a bowl when I got home. My optimism made me nothing but a fool as it tasted of absolutely nothing and it hurt my ulcers and throat trying to eat it, so with a sulky face I took my bowl out to the kitchen and then started opening the cupboards looking for things to eat while my Dad stood there helplessly wishing he could help. He opened the fridge and passed me a Rocky biscuit bar and told me to give that a try… Who knew it would be a bite of a biscuit bar that would be what broke me? I took one bite of it and as no taste came I burst into tears and then cried and cried and cried for the following few hours. I had a weekend glamping in Scotland planned and I decided I wasn’t going to that and that I just wanted to be at home with my mum and dad and feel sorry for myself. But after lots of comforting cuddles and words of wisdom from my dad I managed to pull myself together, put a smile on my face and go away for the weekend.
Very glad I did. My sister, Lillie and Abby provided the perfect medicine of lots of laughter and just the right amount of alcohol to have my troubles float away for the weekend. We had a lovely time thanks to an old friend Alex who was the perfect host at Harvest Moon Holidays. Wickddd.
This week has been a pretty tough one too. Throat is even sorer and eating is painful and again tasteless. I had never anticipated radiotherapy being the hardest part for me but so far this has been the most mentally challenging. I have spent the week going to radiotherapy and then home to bed and trying to sleep the days away, feeling very sorry for myself. The thought of doing this for another 2 weeks as the side effects continue to accumulate just seemed impossible and I was sure I physically couldn’t do it. However, today whilst in the car on the way to the hospital, I don’t know where it came from but I just decided enough was enough and self pity was very tiring and hard work and just like that I felt a lot better. The pain and discomfort still there but with a more positive state of mind, the next 2 weeks seems more of a mole hill than a mountain.
Sorry for the somewhat depressing blog! On a brighter note, my last one had more than a thousand reads on the day I posted it so its not all doom and gloom for me! It’s the simple things :)
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