Powerful Liberation: Dissolving Shame and Guilt for Lasting Self-Confidence
Shame and guilt are two giant killers of self-confidence, especially shame.
People who are prone to shame and guilt have a sense of shrinking; they tend to minimise themselves; they feel like a victim because shame and guilt breed fear and insecurity. On the other hand, confident people have a sense of shining, of maximising themselves and feeling like a winner, like a victor, because self-confidence breeds security and power.
In this article I will teach you how to liberate yourself from any shame and guilt to boost your self-confidence.
People think that shame and guilt are the same, but they are not. There is a difference between shame and guilt. Shame focuses on self, and is when you feel bad about yourself, while guilt focuses on behaviour and is when you feel bad about a specific behaviour.
Guilt is “I did something bad”.
Shame is “I am bad”.
Guilt is “I made a mistake”.
Shame is “I am a mistake”.
Guilt is “I failed in doing something”.
Shame is “I am a failure”.
Shame and guilt are both negative emotions, but there is a difference in their levels of intensity. Shame is a more intense emotion, and stronger than guilt.
Although, some people who feel guilt tend to take responsibility and correct themselves, because it focuses more on reparation, confessing, apologizing, and undoing; however, the majority of them beat themselves up and feel bad about it. In contrast, people who are prone to shame have a tendency of denying, hiding and escaping from the situation and this is even worse.
When you feel shame, you make it about yourself, about your identity, about who you are. And when you make it about yourself, you’re not just feeling that you have done something wrong, but you’re feeling that you’re a worthless person.
When you have a self-image about yourself that you are a mistake, a failure, or a bad person, you feel unworthy, defective, and powerless. You start to have a sense of shrinking, being small and feeling like a victim.
A propensity to shame is consistently linked with vulnerabilities to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. And self-esteem is how much you like yourself or how much you value yourself.
When you say or feel that you’re a bad person, you damage your self-esteem. And when your self-esteem goes down, your self-confidence goes down too. Because self-esteem is a pillar of self-confidence.
And above all, the most dangerous thing about shame and guilt is that they destroy self-confidence and hold people back from getting what they want in life. People who feel guilt have no tendency to be successful, if they feel that they don’t deserve success. Guilt keeps them bound in an altruistic state of being where they continue giving (money, time, energy and so on) to compensate for what they feel guilty about, and as a result of that their self-esteem goes down and this causes them to become even more insecure and less confident.
So, pay close attention to what I am about to share with you, because the method I use to dissolve shame and guilt is very powerful. It works for everyone because it is based on science.
Now, let me show you how to dissolve these negative emotions to free yourself from shame and guilt.
A Powerful Method for Liberation: Follow these four steps to liberate yourself from shame and guilt.
Before we start those steps, I want you to make a list of everything that you feel shame or guilt about. Starting from childhood up until today, then choose the most intense one from your list- the one that annoys you the most. Do that one first, and then repeat with the rest until you finish them all.
Step 1:
Write down what happened that you think makes you feel shame or guilt.
For example, a client of mine said: “I abused my younger son in his teen age years”.
Step 2:
Write down 20–50 ways in which what you did or didn’t do benefited you (if it is just about yourself) or the other person if other people were involved in the situation.
Using the same example, the client stated: “Being abusive helped me to identify my weakness, work on myself, and now I am growing spiritually, mentally and emotionally. For my son, it helped him to write a book about it and now he is a professional writer”.
Make sure to look for the benefits in the seven areas of life — Spiritual, Mental, Physical, Financial, Vocational, Familial and Social. Ask yourself, “How did it help me or the other person, spiritually, how did it help me mentally, how did it help me physically, financially, socially, in my career, in my relationship?”
Step 3:
Write down 20–50 ways in which it would have had drawbacks for you or the other person if you had done the opposite of what you did.
Using the same example, the client mentioned: “If I had indulged him, maybe I wouldn’t have had the chance to identify my weaknesses and discover myself. As for my son, he would have been spoiled and wouldn’t have had the chance to become a professional writer”.
Step 4:
Find situations where and when you have done the opposite of what you feel shame or guilt about.
Using the same example, the client said: “I helped my son achieve his dreams”. Write down at least five situations where you have done the opposite.
Remember to repeat this exercise for each of the events you identified earlier.
Upon completing this exercise for each identified event, you will experience a rapid dissolution of your negative emotions-in just a minute. Your emotional baggage will lift, and you will feel liberated and free. I promise you.
Uncover Your Highest Values
This step-by-step worksheet is designed to guide you in uncovering your highest values. By aligning your life with your values, you’ll not only boost your self-confidence but also increase your true self-worth. It’s a transformative tool that will empower you to elevate your identity, standards, and life choices, enabling you to make bold decisions and set goals that are congruent with what matters most to you. [Download the worksheet here to get started!]
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
