zaboomafoo the racoon is fucing dead. his wide yellow eyes bulge so far out of his skull that they point in slightly different directions as he screams in realms beyond hell, realms unspeakable by man and god alike, zaboomafoo has reached the apex of suffering, not as defined by humans but suffering as a universal constant, his flesh has been permanently ripped from his soul.

only when death was imminent did zaboomafoo ever feel happiness, sweet, sweet death, release from the existential confusion and sorrow of being half ape, half racoon, a mixed breed of two strains of biological garbage, capable of lower thought and perhaps even joy but alas the only guarantees in life are suffering, pain and death. any capability of joy or relief in that utterly pathetic animal was perpetually extinguished by the brothers kratt, who hated that dog, zaboomafoo did not leave them alone, they hated him with every neural pathway in their body, firing electrical signals and releasing neurotransmitters not as the human organism experiences reality, not to permit perception of the world, the neurons only activated from hatred and contempt for zaboomafoo, as if these notions comprised an entirely different wing of existence, for the brothers kratt had lost all physical sense when they finally snapped.

numb with rage, the brothers kratt cornered zaboomafoo in the animal junction and shoved his hairy lizard face deep into the playful mulch floor that colored our childhoods, each using both of their hands they shoved his pate deeper and deeper, manic laughs of shared flesh filling the animal junction. for the brothers kratt had long ago forgone their individual identities- their minds became fused through a mutual desire to cause zaboomafoo every kind of pain imaginable to mankind, psychological trauma and physical torture the least of them. the brothers kratt yearned to discover a new notion, maddened biologists they were, a feeling beyond pain and suffering, a feeling that causes gods to kill themselves using blades composed of the very cosmos they created. such is what they wished upon zaboomafoo, his mother, his partner and all of his children, they wished his soul to experience horrors so deep his genome became altered so that embedded in the cells of their being his children would know his suffering and pain, and their children would know it too, and so on and so forth, so that in the end all that ever spawned from zaboomafo was not only children, but also a chemical manifestation of his agony that was able to perpetuate itself and be experienced even after his death.

the cartiledge and bone structure of zaboomafoo’s snout began to give way to the bulging cromagnon muscles that applied such a downward force zaboomafoo, in a fleeting moment between frames of anguish, thought he might break into hell and see baphomet himself sitting upon the throne- little did he know what was in store for him, the pathetic and disgraceful rat that he was.

they didn’t want to kill him right away, the brothers Kratt- no, that would be merciful- having studied anatomy in their zoology curriculum, they pulled zaboomafoo’s mangled cranium out of the now-crimson earth beneath animal junction and flipped it over, the shattered vertebrae causing his head to loll and roll lazily in impossible angles. with nothing but their teeth they began hacking at his neck, carefully avoiding major arteries and veins in order to keep him alive for as long as possible, until their jaws and necks were painted solid with zaboomafoo’s worthless ichor and their cargo shorts drenched.

what remained of zaboomafoo at this point certainly could not be called alive, nor would it be technically dead by the biological definition, as the brothers kratt were so deft with their incisors that naked tendrils of nerves and vasculature connected zaboomafoo’s “head” to the rest of his body were left intact and functional. with their eyes rolled up into the backs of their skulls revealing sclera with bulging capillaries as adrenaline rush turned to carnal ecstasy, the brothers kratt began incoherently moaning azaezel’s sacrificial decree which mingled with zaboomafoo’s gurgling and the sound of flowing blood in the still air of animal junction.

having finished their feast they now desired to drink, and like Christ, zaboomafoo provided the brothers kratt with both food and drink from his flesh. like barbarians they ripped zaboomafoo’s head with a twisting notion from his heavily indented, broken body, the final cords of life-supplying tissue wetly snapping as lymph and blood sprayed through the air in a twisting fractal of biological fluid. they heaved with all their might, the brothers kratt, and their demonic strength resulted in the nearly homogenized skull and its contents to sail up through the air, only to fall down and splatter onto the ground in a gravity-induced parabola so perfect it would have impressed sir newton himself.

the brothers used the twisted arms and legs of zaboomafoo’s remains as handles and drank the blood and lymph from zaboomafoo’s neck like a limbed chalice of flesh, twitching in ecstasy as the thick, metallic humor washed over their palates and covered the insides of their throats

zaboomafoo’s horrific death was so justified that baphomet himself, after a thousand years of hellish torture banished him to Hell 2, which would classify as respite compared to the greater hells that awaited him. for eons zamboomafoo dies, over and over again he is brutally killed, each time more painful and creative than the last. for all eternity he will suffer, and after eternity all that he had experienced would seem a paradise as time and the universe fold into rolling ether and infinite nothingness, contaminated only by the shapeless existence of the damned zaboomafoo’s torment and desolation via dolorosa.