Have dinner with us, Mike Pence

Howard Pulchin
Nov 14, 2016 · 3 min read

Dear Vice-President-elect Pence:

First, congratulations on your election to the second-highest office in the land.

Second, I want to let you know that I am not “fixable.” Sure, I have plenty of room for improvement, but being an American citizen who just happens to be gay is not something that can be fixed. Nor would I want to be fixed, as I love the life I have and the life I have made with my husband of more than five years.

And third, perhaps the reason I write to you. Like many Americans, I work hard, pay my large share of taxes, contribute as much as I can to charities and good causes (as I did yesterday to Planned Parenthood in honor of Hillary Clinton), and try to be kind and fair to the people I know and the strangers I encountered.

Most importantly, I am lucky to be in a loving relationship where we are devoted to one another, we are devoted to our dog and are devoted to our friends. As an aside, we were married before the Supreme Court of the United States made marriage-equality the law of the land. And when it did come the law, our taxes rose, but the sting of that was soothed because as I was recognized by our government to be like my parents before me, my sister and brother-in-law and like you and Karen.

I don’t like the term gay marriage. I especially don’t like the term “traditional marriage”. I am married. Plain and simple. Yet, even if I weren’t I wouldn’t want my citizenship categorized first by being gay. As I said a few paragraphs before, I am an American citizen who just happens to be gay.

While we have never met or even talked, I have read and heard that you don’t necessarily share my views, and have even supported laws that sought to discriminate against me. Yet, in two months, you will take on an awesome responsibility: Vice-President of the United States. Vice-President of all of us.

So as my soon to be VP, I’d love a chance to perhaps change your views on Americans who are gay. I’d love to help change your views on policies that could discriminate against gay men and women or could make life even harder for those who are, particularly younger americans, our sons and daughters.

You see, I find that commonality can usually be found not on FB or in the media, but over a dinner table, where people share good food and drink. A dinner table seems to break down divisions and is a chance to get to know each other better and perhaps break down barriers.

I’ve only seen you and Karen on television and can tell the love you have for each other. I don’t think you have ever even seen Joey and me, but I can assure you, that our love is probably no different than what you two have.

So in that spirit, I’d like to invite you to dinner with us. We can have some great food. We can share stories of our marriages and our hopes, dreams and fears for the future. You can meet the love of our lives, our norwich terrier Jackson.

But most importantly, I hope to show you why I shouldn’t be fixed. And I would love to show you why I shouldn’t be discriminated against. Or thought of as less worthy of your support and protection.

Thank you for reading this.

Howard Pulchin


Howard Pulchin

Written by

NYC-based, with heart in the country, Global Creative Director, dog dad to Jackson, husband to Joey