David Cameron Will Neither Release Nor Withhold His Virgin Media Bill

Credit: Virgin Media

David Cameron’s Virgin Media bill is currently locked in a swirling vortex between dimensions, after the government refused to either release or withhold it from the public.

After bowing to public pressure in the wake of the Panama Papers leak and publishing his tax return, the Prime Minister was called, along with other politicians and political journalists, to release his itemised Virgin Media bill.

An online petition was started, which quickly gained the requisite 5 votes for it to be considered for approval on the government’s own petitions website.

The public backed the call for further transparency of power.

However, less than 24 hours later, the government dismissed the petition, worried that the growing momentum would ultimately topple those in power.

The public was angry.

Unbowed, unbent, unbroken, the campaign didn't end there. A new petition was set up, this time asking for the opposite of the first one — that David Cameron DIDN'T release his Virgin Media bill. Let’s see how you like that, The Government.

Again, this quickly garnered the number of votes needed to be considered for approval.

And again, this petition was cruelly dismissed by those in power.

A little digging revealed some uncomfortable truths for Downing Street.

In one of the images published online, Mr Cameron can be seen CUTTING some wires, presumably to stop the public from ever discovering his viewing habits.

Twitter users were gobsmacked.

He is even on record as praising the speed of Virgin Media’s broadband.

“David Cameron praises 100Mb broadband rolled out by Virgin Media” ran the press release.

I’ll bet he does, readers. I’ll bet he does.