Who should you vote for?

So you've registered to vote in the upcoming general election, and are left pondering: to whom should I give my vote?

Well, you are in luck, dear voter. I am here to tell you who you should vote for.

You should vote for the good guys.

Allow me to explain. Despite this being an election in which smaller parties are more prominent than ever, it is still a two-horse race between the good guys and the bad guys. The question you must ask yourself is this: who do you want running your country come the morning of May 8th? It is a straight choice. Do you choose the leader of the good guys? A straightforward, affable man who cares about you and your family, but most importantly cares about Britain. On the other hand, leading the bad guys is a man who wants to destroy all that you hold dear. He is a joke, a buffoon, the devil incarnate. A vote for him would be a disaster for you, your family, and this great nation of ours.

But it is not all about leaders, of course. Forsooth, one must consider the other factors. Namely, policies.

I have looked into the manifestos extensively, and as well as having a superior typeface, the good guys have the best policies. Their policies are good because they were decided upon by good guys, I suppose. I looked at the manifesto of the bad guys and the policies seemed bad, which figures.

I feel too that there has been a lot of negative campaigning from the bad guys aimed at distracting you from the real issues, such as the fact that one party is good and the other is bad.

Let us look at the leaders’ debates too. These gave an insight into who would be best at running our country. I think you’ll agree that it was a clear victory for the leader of the good guys. The main bad guy came off really poorly in my opinion. His arguments were bad and not as good as those of the good one.

Let me finish with a salient point. A protest vote — ie a vote for a smaller party because you think the good guys are not as good as you’d like them to be, and are in fact a little badder than they should be — will lead to the bad guys winning, which is the opposite of what anyone wants.

Voter, on May 7th go out and vote for the good guys. Unless you prefer the bad guys, in which case you should vote for them. Although if you prefer them, you’ll probably think I was talking about them anyway when I was referring to the good guys.

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