Alternate Driver’s License Written Test

My sixteen-year-old can’t fail

What is the appropriate response to a shell being hurled at you from Bowser?

  1. If you are Princess Peach, take the ramp on the left and avoid the mystery box.
  2. Shake your fist, shout in Italian, and swerve wildly.
  3. Switch on your directional, check your rear-view mirrors, and calmly move into the left lane.

Fuzzy Dice

  1. True
  2. False

Please choose the appropriate mix of bumper stickers:

  1. One ironic, one insulting, one bragging.
  2. One political, one offensive, one from a vacation spot.
  3. One sports team, one scientific, one patronizing.

Smelly tree

  1. True
  2. False

Under what conditions is okay to use the ejector button:

  1. When your toddler has spilled strawberry milk on the leather seats.
  2. When your companion insists on listening to Journey
  3. Only if you are a British misoginist with a license to kill.

Choose the most appropriate location for having your windows open, your music blasting with an extra subwoofer in the trunk:

  1. The Holland Tunnel
  2. All college campuses
  3. Outside Broadway between 12th and 13th streets

At what age may you install tire-puncturing darts to get back at people who cut you off?

  1. 18
  2. 20
  3. 25