[satire] A new strategy to end terrorism: Pamela Geller

Pamela Geller of anti-Islamification fame has proposed a new way to fight terrorism. She beleives that if the US overtly offends enough Muslims that they will come out in plain sight to attempt to kill her and in turn our patriotic militias can execute them right there on the spot. “They say I’m a racist, Islamophobic, anti-Muslim bigot,” said Pamela, “but in fact I am a patriot”.

She initiated her plan a few weeks ago in Texas by putting on a controversial first ammendment cartoon contest to see who could best make fun of the Islamic prophet Muhammad. “We decided to have a cartoon contest to show we would not kowtow to violent intimidation and allow the freedom of speech to be overwhelmed by thugs and bullies,” said Geller. Her plan worked. Two young Islamist exremists were offended and came for her head. Local and state police were fired upon and returned fire killing these two terrorists.

This past week, the FBI was tracking a radical in Boston who was so offended by Geller he said he wanted to literally behead her. The FBI pursued him and he has shot and killed. People who knew this young man said that he was not known to be an Islamic radical but they did hear him mumbling “man she is a bitch” a few days before the shootout with the FBI. The man’s cousin said, “She is such a hate monger, everyone wants to kill her”.

While we are unsure if this man was truly a radical, Geller does not seem to care. “All Muslims are extremists”, she said. “Anyone who prays five times a day … they’re cursing Christians and Jews five times a day.” said Geller. “That just cannot be tolerated… I mean what he hell did Jews and Christians do to be cursed so much?”, she said.

The US Intel community and US Military are overtly praising Geller. A source who wished not to be named from the CIA said “She is brilliant. Now we won’t have to chase those bastards all the way over in Iraq and Syria, the can come here and be the FBIs problem.” Similarly a US DOD official stated, “This is great. We can stop sending our young men and women over to the sandbox. These towelheads can come to the US and our men and women in Blue can take care of them.”

After the recent activity in Boston, Geller was seen in New York partying with several WASP and Tea Party members. She said it was a “party for America, freedom, and one step toward the cleansing of those dirty Middle Easterns”. The party abruptly ended when the Kardashian clan arrived and Geller was concerned about the ethnic background of Kim and Kanye.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.