Did a bird land on your head?

Photo by Alexandre Chambon on Unsplash (This looks like a nightmare)

(Bare with me, I’m about to ask myself a question.)


Hey me, what do you do when a bird lands on your head?

Love from, Me


Step one, is figuring out if it’s an actual bird that has landed on your head, or if it’s a person attacking you.

At least, that was my first thought.

Once you’ve looked around and there’s no one to be seen, shake your head to try and remove the felon. Hoping that you don’t have to touch it and that it will be frightened by the movement.

When that doesn’t work, muster all of your courage and physically lift the bird from the top of your head and hope it flies away and doesn’t come back to peck your eyes out.

Once the bird is gone, stand there in shock and wonder what the hell just happened. Process all of the questions that are rushing through your mind: does my head look like the top of a light post, or is my hair really so messy that it looks like a nest? Did it poop on me? Do I have rabies now? Can you get bird flu? Is there such a thing, and do I have it now? Do I have Snow White powers and I’m unaware that I can speak to animals, did I just beckon a dirty New York street pigeon? Where is the nearest shower?

Then someone will interrupt your thoughts by chortling (yes, chortling) and saying, “you just had a New York moment.”

How exciting…

Now not only do I have to digest what just happened, but I now also have to know that people saw that minute of my life where I was the resting place for a pigeon.

(Terrifying)

It’s been many years since this event occurred and yet it’s still a memory that is almost always in my thoughts. Reason being is, it has made me irrationally fearful of birds.

Everytime I see a dirty street bird I feel like I’m in Hitchcock’s bird movie. I assume they’re all ready to attack. Fear strikes my heart everytime I see the birds that fly together. I believe they are definitely plotting something. Why else would they all clump together in the sky moving in that weird way?

I’m sure I’m not the only person that this has happened to, many times I’ve considered starting some sort of Facebook group where I corral all of the people that this has happened to. Maybe this niche of people needs a bird therapy support group for their trauma.

Probably not though, as I realise that I can sometimes be very over dramatic.

I realise that this is going to go over a lot of people’s heads. I’m sure you’re sitting there wondering at the quality of the topics that I’m coming up with, to give advice for.

But I know there are probably at least 100 plus other people who have probably had a very similar experience. And I think this niche needs to be addressed.

In any case, I say to you people who have yet to have a bird land on their head. I hope it doesn’t happen to you, because it’s rather shocking. Or at least if a bird lands on you that it was planned. As I realize there are some people who work with birds training them or doing falconry (although that may be a dead sport, I have no idea, when’s the last time someone heard of falconry, now I have to do some research).

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