Photo by Medhat Dawoud on Unsplash

Technology is a millennials playground. Our joie de vivre, our lifeline, our peanut butter and jelly sandwich, our bread and butter (yes I made reference to a lot of bread products, they’re delicious).

From the moment we wake up to the sound of our b4–4’s ‘Get Down’ alarm, to when we fall asleep reading our favourite pages on reddit. We’re on a computer, or we’re holding our trusty phone real close to our faces.

In a story from the Times, Deloitte did a survey which showed that on average, people check their phones 46 times a day. It’s still not as many times as I think about eating cheese, but heck, it’s close.

I am one of these phone wielding millennials, yet I’m terrible with technology. It doesn’t help that there’s a constant flow of new phones (what feels like) every month.

And with that really subtle introduction out of the way, here are some of my unnecessary internal monologues, about the new iPhone 8 and X.

“Ooo, shiny. Now when my clumsy-self drops the phone trying to clean my greasy fried chicken eating fingerprints off not only the front, but also the back of the phone. I can pee my pants worrying about the fact that I’ve probably shattered both sides rather than just one!”

“Now when I travel, I won’t just be forgetting to pack my charger. I’ll be forgetting all the little dongles, hoo-dingies and what-cha-ma-calls-its that you need to use and power your phone. I can barely remember the last meal I ate. What makes the people who designed these new phones think I’m going to remember where I put (aka lost) my right wireless headphone. This wireless thing is going to kill me.”

“The screen on the iPhone X is real cool, but wait. What do you mean you got rid of the home button? I have to do what half swipe movement, to do what? Wait, what do you mean my face is my new password? I’m not down for more front facing camera time. The worst part about phones is the occasional moment the front facing camera opens up and you’re not ready. You can’t do this to me!”

“Oh yes, of course I love that the iPhone 8 and X just came out. Another similar version of the iPhone 6 that I own…that I’m still trying to pay off.”

Whatever, let’s be real, we’ll probably all end up buying one. Apple’s got us in the palm of their sweaty nerd hands.

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