Being Diplomatic and Dealing with Jerkwads

Kindness is a virtue. There’s enormous value in acting nice to other people, or even if they don’t deserve it, at least giving them the benefit of the doubt. Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by stupidity, as the saying goes. The gains from being level-headed during emotionally charged situations—amidst incendiary hyperboles and crocodile tears and heated debates—also prove the proverb, “If you lose your temper, you’ve lost the argument.” Practicing mindfulness and entering a relaxed state of concentration help keep you above the fray.

Nirvana can be elusive, however, especially in a tense work environment. Remaining calm is quite easy when dealing with unimportant issues while everyone’s in cordial agreement, but it’s precisely when the opposite of this is true that keeping composed becomes all the more imperative. Rhetorical devices aside, you must be able to discuss the topics you feel the most passionate about with a peaceful demeanor.

In my experience, a good ninety percent of us have a generally nice disposition. Of course, nobody’s infallible, everyone changes, and even the best of us can have a bad day. But it’s still a minority of the population that, deliberately or not, create annoyances. Do you remember all the other cars on the road this morning, or just the one that cut you off?

There are people out there who have mastered the art of exploiting your defense mechanisms by using intimidation and incivility to get their way. It’s an unfortunate reality that many business practices and climates are constructed to reward such tactics. When an organization makes exceptions to their policies, for example, it effectively discriminates against people who don’t make a nuisance of themselves to complain and petition for special treatment.

If people were held more accountable for their actions, there’d be a whole lot less bad behavior. We have a collective obligation as a species to call out people on their bullshit, rather than coping with aggression through detached indifference and thereby not just tolerating but also engendering it. This requires drawing upon inner strength, acting assertive in the face of adversity, and setting a good example for others by spreading positive emotions.

“If you see something, say something” can certainly be prone to abuse in the form of false accusations and unfair profiling. But a conspiracy of silence, the kind which gives rise to sexual abuse and organized crime, is an infinitely worse system. Life’s too short to put up with disrespectful conduct, and we owe it to our descendants not to let such actions remain unchecked.