The Importance of Having a Work Partner
No matter what field you’re working in, a work partner is critical to maintaining good mental health. There are lots of other ways to deal with the trials and tribulations of the workplace and I can only speak to my experiences, particularly within the realm of data science, but I genuinely believe the benefits of work partners extend to all fields.
Before preaching about the value that a work partner brings, let’s make sure we define the term properly. The broader media has a tendency to both sensationalize and hetero-normalize the term “work partner” (or “work spouse”), but I use it to describe anyone with whom you can be open and honest about the intricacies of your success and failures at work. They don’t have to be your best friend or even someone you interact with on a daily basis. Their role as a “partner” is less about the shared personal interests and more about shared detailed professional experiences.
Two reasons why it’s important
You might be skeptical about why you’d need this type of relationship or wonder why your actual spouse or best friend/roommate/sister can’t play this role.
First of all, you often don’t recognize you need this type of relationship until your work foundation is shaken. For example, a large re-org might occur, or you receive some tough but vague feedback, or you are thrust into a new leadership role without much guidance. These are instances where having someone in the same domain to gut-check your thoughts and feelings becomes so critical. Without that support, you might be left feeling isolated and unsure, particularly as a frontline manager.
Second, having someone who can speak your professional language is key. My spouse is super supportive, and we dive into the details of our work-lives on a weekly basis. But if I’m 100% honest, there’s no way she can get to the same depth and nuanced understanding of situations that a work partner could for me, and vice versa. Even in cases where your spouse works at the same company or a similar domain, it’s still beneficial to have a secondary outlet for venting.
A concrete example
When I first became a manager, I’ll be honest — I kind of freaked out. It was something I definitely had wanted, but I was promoted very suddenly and under circumstances of duress. My manager at the time was leaving to join a startup and my ascendancy to management was thus one out of necessity rather than strategic planning. I gained a host of responsibilities very quickly, with little guidance or instruction.
In this new role my new manager (who was formerly my skip-level) was pretty zoomed out, and I hadn’t been at the company long enough to identify individuals who exemplified good “models of management” to whom I could turn for advice. I felt alone on an island.
On the surface, things seemed to be running smoothly enough. The team met deliverables, grew steadily, and developed new skills. But honestly, I was a train wreck of anxiety until a peer manager entered the space thanks to a re-org. Having a peer with whom I could gut-check decisions, emulate in terms of processes, or vent about difficult situations was huge. Sometimes our conversations didn’t necessarily net a new tactic or idea — it was often just anxiety-reducing to know that someone else understood exactly what I was struggling with or acknowledged that it was a tough problem. These conversations did wonders to boost my mental stability.
Now to be clear, I wasn’t bff’s with this person. We didn’t hangout after work or run to swap stories about the latest Black Mirror episode — that wasn’t what I needed. What I needed was an empathetic ear and a safe space to share my detailed thoughts about professional challenges and not feel judged.
Find someone before you need someone
Get ahead of the mental health curve: meet new people. Whether it’s on your direct team or across the company, build a network so you can find people you can open up to when needed. It’s these types of relationships that ensure you don’t make unhealthy choices like hastily leaving a role/company, burning bridges with others, or even just putting too much pressure/stress on yourself.
Remember, work partners can come in all shapes in sizes. They can be your work best friend or they can be someone with whom you have little in common beside your shared professional experience. Over the years I’ve lost touch with some and others stood beside me as groomsmen at my wedding. The important thing is that they represent someone with whom you can be open and honest about the minutiae of your day-to-day experiences.
