Don’t Go To War With Yourself

Hugo Beyer
Jul 24, 2017 · 4 min read

To you, people who have decided to be themselves no matter what the world may think. You’re amazing.

I’m far from being the archetype of the modern man, If I had to describe my masculinity I would say I’m more of a mix of Coldplay’s singer Chris Martin and Newt Scamander (the awesome lead character in ‘Fantastic beasts and where to find them’) than what people sometimes expect me to be (a strong, confident, straightforward, Chris Pratt style, man)

A few years ago, as I was realizing I was slowly entering depression, I searched for help and advices. With the help of friends and a psychologist I made a radical shift in my life embarked on the quest of finding myself, and what I’m here to do. Fast forward a few years I found that I’m very much driven by empathy but also by seeing people coming together whether it is to fight for a worthy cause or to celebrate. I’m 22 and so I have to admit that I’m still in the process of becoming the best ‘me’ I can, it’s something that I work for every day.

Being or trying to be yourself comes at a price, it can deeply hurt, especially when people around you start judging you or criticizing you. If you’re on that journey I hope this article will help you . Here are a few things that people said to me so far and what’s helped me to deal with them.

“You have no confidence in yourself”

That one hurts a lot right ? When you’re searching for who you are some situations make you feel extremely uncomfortable, you’re not sure about what to do because you want to act as your true self and not as someone you’re not. This takes time and exercise, but the best way I found is just to act intuitively. Just be aware and accept that’s it’s not going to please everyone. Of course you might get some weird/mean looks and comments from some people, but that’s all part of it. It’s a part of change. Remember your lack of confidence is completely understandable, it is the sign that you’re letting go of your ‘who you were’ moving to who you want and are meant to be.

“You’re too nice”

I don’t like being a jerk or even just pretending to be one, if you read this chances are you too. For some people being nice means being week. The truth is being nice doesn’t just feel good for the person you interact with but it also feels good for you (Thanks Oxytocin).

Maybe you were told that you had to be strong and that being nice doesn’t fit in that category, which is, I think, even more relatable if you’re a man. Whether it is through someone’s words or just through the image society reflects back at us, you may feel the need to put your feelings aside. Please don’t. if your guts tells you that the right thing to do is to be nice to someone, don’t hesitate to do it. It doesn’t mean you can’t be tough, it doesn’t mean you cannot take a hard decision when it’s needed.

Some people may fail to see that but being nice isn’t a sign of weakness, it is the sign that you deeply care about the well being of the people around you

“You’re so naïve”

This one is linked to being nice. People often say that to point out that your dreams and beliefs are unrealistic or that you too quickly trust people. I know that I may be stabbed in the back by trusting people, I know that touching people’s life through my music and making a career out of it is a huge goal, but those are conscious choices. Those choices allow me to perceive and seize opportunities I would never have any other way, it helps me to connect deeply with people around me. So I’m not being naive, I’m being open to life and whatever it has to give and yeah, sometimes it hurts but the truth is most of the times it just feels amazing.

It takes time and that’s ok

The Journey of becoming your true self is a hard one, but it’s also very rewarding. Don’t go to war with yourself, don’t try to fit in or be anything you’re not, give yourself time to shine and room to make mistakes, you truly deserve it. Don’t seek perfection, with time things will get better and better. Be fearless, be extraordinary, be yourself.

Hugo Beyer

PS : English is not my first language, I’m French, I hope there were not too many mistakes, feel free to give me feedbacks of course ! :)

Hugo Beyer

Written by

I want to help people feel amazing through words and music. I’m a singer-songwriter and altruist. 22 years old, France. Curious and open minded

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