Can Elijah marry Ruth: Conversations with Heloise

Tuesday evening:

Heloise: Abba, you’re going to get married again, right?
 
 Me: I don’t know, honey. I’m not planning on it.
 
 Heloise: But Ima’s going to get married again?
 
 Me: I’m not sure, but I bet it’ll be before I do.

Heloise: Okay, so when you do get married, I need you to have at least one baby.

Me: (laughing) You bet.

Heloise: I’m serious. And then Ima will need to have one.
 
 Me: You talk to your mother about that.

Heloise: I already have. But I have a question. Will the baby boy you have with your next wife be my half-brother or my step-brother?
 
 Me: Half. And hold on, I never even said I was getting married again and you’ve decided I’m having a boy?
 
 Heloise: Yes, and I think Ima is going to have another girl.
 
 Me: You’ve got all this worked out.
 
 Heloise: Uh huh, and I have another question. Will Eliyahu and Ruth be related? 
 
 (I start thinking about the Bible. Is Elijah the Prophet related to Ruth the Moabite? I have no clue.)
 
 Me: Huh?
 
 Heloise: Please, daddy, listen: your son will be named Eliyahu, and Ima’s daughter will be Ruth. How will they be related to each other?

Me: You’re sure they’ll be Eliyahu and Ruth?
 
 Heloise: Abba, answer the question!

Me: Not related by blood at all. They’ll be your half-siblings but no direct relationship to each other.
 
 Heloise: (excitedly) Yay, so they can get married!
 
 Me: More weddings?

Heloise: Yes! You said brothers and sisters can’t get married. But Eliyahu and Ruth aren’t related so they can. And then we’ll all be so close!

(I feel a twinge of guilt. Is this part of an elaborate fantasy of healing the pain of divorce? I look at my daughter, worry on my face.)
 
 Heloise: (reassuring) And I know two boys or two girls can get married, so it doesn’t matter what you and Ima end up having next time.
 
 Me: You’re on it. Do you have names ready for all that?
 
 Heloise: Yes. But abba, there’s something else.
 
 Me: What, bunny?
 
 Heloise: Your car is really dirty. Girls don’t like that.
 
 Me: Oh?
 
 Heloise: If you clean it more often, women will like riding in it better. And then you might get married again.
 
 Me: You want me to get married again?
 
 Heloise: Yes! What’s taking so long?