~~Assassination of Huhnkie Lee, a US Senator~~
’Tis November of 2022. Mr. Huhnkie Lee gets elected as a US Senator in Alaska, surprising the world, upsetting media outlets that never paid attention to his candidacy.
As Mr. Lee gets sworn in to the office in January of 2023, media scrutiny begins to unearth some darkest corners of now-Senator Lee’s past social media postings.
A national news headline reads,
“Senator Lee’s Stupendous Homophobia”
“Senator Lee Supports Climate Change”
“The Most Racist Senator Lee”
An international cabal forms. Prominent power heads of diverse sectors hold a secret meeting over an undisclosed internet channel.
“We all agree something needs to be done with this man.”
“Oh yes. Senator Lee is a troublemaker.”
“Only if we silence him.”
“And we know how stubborn he is.”
“There is an easy way out.”
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Me thinks we’re all in this together.”
“We think that we’re all in agreement.”
“Let’s get it going, gentlemen.”
The cabal hires seven need snipers and seven ninja assassins and seven private investigators to track every moves of Senator Lee.
The twenty one men take pictures of Senator Lee’s ins and outs, study his routines and routes, and hack into his social media accounts, email accounts, and bank accounts.
They also get addresses and phone numbers of Senator Lee’s closest friends and family members. They wiretap Senator Lee’s phones and internets. They install hidden cameras in Senator Lee’s homes and offices.
One day, a letter arrives at Senator Lee’s office. The envelope is made with the finest paper and light as a feather, as it contains only one sheet of paper, a regular piece of printing paper.
The letter reads,
“Season’s Greetings, Senator Lee-
“A belated congratulations to your upset election win, Senator.
“We have been watching you for a while now.
“And we realize that we cannot let you talk.
“No, Senator, not like the way you do it.
“We have a proposal for you today, Senator.”
Senator Lee thinks.
‘Not sure what I should do. Contact the secret service?
‘Me doesn’t think so. I don’t need secret service. I’m a man. I’m martial artist. I’m a decent shot. I’m in excellent shape.
‘I have man’s pride. I am a grown man. I believe in God.
‘So the answer is no. I won’t tell anyone about this. No secret service shall be notified.
‘I am burning the letter.’
“Gentlemen. We got a situation here.”
“What’s going on? What’s Senator Lee up to?”
“Haven’t you read the latest report from our 21 professionals yet?”
“No. I was too busy tending to my vegetable garden. It’s spring time, you see. What’s our Senator doing?”
“He’s living his senatorial life. Drinking his vodka at home. He even sleeps in his office, behind closed doors. Only we know about this.”
“Is he complying to our demands?”
“… Are saying that Senator Lee is not obeying us?”
“No. He is not writing our bills.”
“We got plan B. Don’t we, gentlemen?”
One night, the 21 professionals kidnap Senator Lee when he was taking a full bath in a lukewarm bathtub water on a Saturday 1am.
“…guys, at least lemme take my towels with me… I’m freezing here!”
The 21 highly trained men muffle the foul mouth of Senator Lee with pieces of kitchen towels and wrap the entire body of his Asiatic aging male nude body in a gigantic black garbage bag.
A fateful irony did not fail to escape the mind of Senator Lee at that moment of crisis:
‘They must be thinking I’m an Asian trash….putting me in a trash bag like this…’
“Un-bag him, boys.”
“Eww.. put some clothes over him.”
“No. Senator Lee is feces. Wrap his dirty body up with toilet paper rolls.”
“Welcome to the dungeon, Senator. We’ve been expecting you.”
“…. Gentlemen…would you please kindly turn up the room temperature for me please? I’m cold and I’m very sensitive about room temperature and humidity. I’m still wet. I’m shaking….”
“Senator Lee. The accommodation is forthcoming.”
“Boys, get some nice warm clean clothes for our Senator Lee. And turn up the thermostat by three degrees please. Would you like some hot tea, Senator?”
“… caffeine-free herbal tea please… thank you…”
“Senator Lee. Do you know why you are here this morning, Sir?”
“You are the ones who sent the letter?”
“Yes. You’ve been naughty with your words and mouth, Senator.”
“You said things that hurt us, Senator.”
“And we can’t let you continue, Senator.”
“We made a legislative proposal to you.”
“And you ignored us.”
“And now….we are …upset…”
“And when we are upset….when you upset us…..you set us up….to do things…”
“….what things, Mister?”
“The kind of things that you don’t want us to do to you.”
“You mean, you gonna kill me? Is it what ‘this’ is about?”
Senator Lee thinks fast and talks.
“Kindest Sirs. Please. There is no need.
“If you kill me, the entire US federal resources, like FBI, CIA, US Marshals, Secret Service, even Santa Clauses will be looking for you and y’all go to a hellish jail and I don’t that to happen to you, cuz I care about you.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha. Senator Lee..”
“All I’m saying is, if you don’t like me being on TV and news all the time, saying things that disgust you, there is an alternative to all this madness, violence, death threats, kidnapping and assassination.”
“What is your alternative, Senator? I’d be interested.”
“Buy me a one-way airline ticket to a foreign country. A country where I can talk freely about how bad LGBT Ideology is; why young people under 25 should not date but focus on studying and career instead; why young people should marry same race 95% of the time; why there is nothing to worry about climate change, and such.”
“What would be those foreign countries where you can exercise such luxurious freedom of speech?”
“I was thinking North Korea maybe. Or Russia. Or Cuba. Or China. Or Saudi Arabia.”
“What would be your number one choice, Senator Lee?”