Resilience — The art of thriving
‘ The ability to withstand or recover quickly from a difficult situation and then move from difficulty to build advantages and success.’
Life is certainly not a bed of roses. There is lot to be happy and overjoyed about in life. However, we all have our difficult times and disappointments too. Resilience is the capability of managing these challenges with their highs and lows and not giving up easily or at all. Many people dream to acquire huge success in life but a little setback rattles them and they give up easily settling for safe and secure bets and lower their aspirations in order that they can lead lives that are not so worrisome.
At times sudden events which are well beyond our control can only be met with nothing else but resilience if we decide not to succumb to their negative pressures. At times resilience is required in large measures because survival is at stake. Ironically we keep praying all the time that we don’t encounter difficulty at all in our lives. This is rather bizarre because we are wishing away one aspect of the hard reality of life which is failure and setbacks. Our parents hardly talk about failure and difficulty or teach and coach us about what we should do when faced with difficulty knowing full well that no person will always have it easy. We are not consciously taught the skill to face and manage real difficulty. I am talking about the middle and the upper middle class families in India and this could be relevant all over the world.
The poor in India learn to become resilient because of their situation and they learn, not in class rooms or from what their parents teach them, but because of their situation and what they have to struggle with on a daily basis. Their body becomes strong and resilient because it learns to sleep on an empty stomach and also fight fevers, colds and other illnesses without medication. Where is the money to have a meal at night and buy medicines? This is not to say that poverty is good but it is only an attempt to drive home the point that in this kind of difficulty the body responds to the extent possible and builds up enough reserves to persist and battle its way forward.
Resilience therefore is a learnt response to negative change or difficulty and helps people bounce back. The learning takes place either through structured inputs from parents and coaches and observing their behaviour or by going through the difficult situation itself. Resilience is also a result of early responsibility to manage things or it is learnt in the aftermath of tragedy and grief. People who are not resilient have not learnt to be so. They have not been taught or seen it in their families, they have not shouldered responsibilities and not faced trying times, they have not learnt to be prepared for facing difficulty or they have been pampered and in the final analysis they have decided not do so.
As I have said before, resilience has no magical formula but is an integrated process with values and a sense of purpose, personal competencies and reservoirs of gradually built up and garnered energies. All the three work together to help the person tide over troubled times.
A Real Story
Revathi had been alone with her two daughters for almost three years when I met her in Puducherry . She worked part time in three homes cleaning utensils, sweeping and mopping and doing other household chores. She was barely managing a meagre income and somehow surviving. However, she was determined to educate her daughters so that they could stand on their own feet.
Revathi’s husband had thrown her out of the house because she had refused to be trafficked in the locality where her husband was involved with prostitutes and pimps. She had no money or any material possession. A number of nights she spent on pavements and trees and also under discarded fishing boats on the beach.
We spotted her in the group of ladies, which one of our NGO partners had recommended that we should meet for skilling purposes. Revathi appeared to be a determined soul and was willing to go through the drill involved in sewing and stitching training. We included her in the training which she attended every day. She was assessed as the best trainee and we encouraged her to set up her own sewing centre. She started the centre from her own small shanty and used the machine which she had received after the training. Her good teaching skills and hard work drew a number of students and she began to earn substantially. In no time the student’s strength grew and she rented a room in the market. Tailors in the vicinity came to know about her and began to off- load work to her. In two years she could afford to shift her daughters to an English medium school. When I met her a year ago I came to know that she now has a flourishing boutique and has admitted her elder daughter in an engineering college. The younger one will be appearing for her tenth board examinations. Revathi met me and gave me a blouse which she had stitched and embroidered beautifully. She now lives in her own home, a small three room apartment with an attached bathroom and a kitchen. She has greyed a bit but looks beautiful with the glow of confidence and self — assurance. She exemplifies resilience.
The values associated with resilience are courage, faith, self-respect, achievement and self- reliance. The person values not buckling under pressure and stress, and is open to learning and taking responsibility. Normally resilience is a response to working towards a larger purpose other than achieving small personal goals.
Acquiring competencies help the person seize new work opportunities with ease. Resilient behaviours rely on the presence of physical, mental and emotional energy. We can call faith as a part of spiritual energy. However, I use faith more as self- belief and faith in personal capability to tide over troubled times.
Physical energy is the stamina required to do arduous, hard work. Physical energy is also required to travel and to adjust to new physical environments. We can only become holistically resilient if we also take care of our physical health.
Mental energy is reflected through a strong will and facilitates in sustaining a positive and an up- beat attitude. Many times physical stamina is sustained through a strong will. The power of will helps a person to put in and sustain the effort required to achieve targets and the desired goals. Mental strength helps in maintaining focus, attention and concentration and strong nerves can ward off high levels of pressure and stress. Mental energy and strength also help us to think clearly and innovatively and by doing so we identify solutions to problems and constraints and learn to overcome failures and mistakes. Mental energy encourages us to assume responsibility and is an important ingredient for self- confidence. A disciplined life facilitates in conserving both physical and mental energies.
A lot has been written about emotional intelligence for at least three or four decades now. Research shows that the more aware we are of our emotions the better we manage them. Unpleasant emotions drain our physical and mental energy and we feel burdened and loaded with them. They block our thinking and action and the negative energies that they create make us jittery, anxious and stressed out. Positive emotions such as happiness, enthusiasm, hope and pride galvanise us into positive action. These energies make us handle challenges with confidence, courage and concentration. Resilient behaviour is buttressed further with positive emotions which initiate positive action, help in building supportive relationships and also unleash our creative potential for innovative thinking and problem solving. Physical, mental and emotional energy put together enhances resilience.
