Own Your Basicness & Be a Trailblazer
It seems every young millennial woman is absolutely petrified of being labeled a “basic bitch”. God forbid someone gets photographic proof of you enjoying a pumpkin spice latte come autumn, or putting avocado on your toast or salads or your cellphone case or your dog. How do we make it through these harrowing times with our confidence and self-worth in tact? Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a bit of advice that has helped me through my darkest and most basic hours: self-acceptance. Yes, honeychild, once you’ve accepted how evidently basic you are, you will feel better. Your mind will feel calmer. Your skin will look clearer. Your bowels will move smoother. Scared? I was too. Let me help you out by listing my own basic tendencies. Let the self-acceptance, thus, the self-love begin.
1. Using the phrase “I’m dead” (variations: “I died”, “I’m dying”, “DEAD”, “☠️”) minimum once a day
I text this phrase so regularly that one of my sisters gets upset when I don’t text back immediately for fear that I might actually be unconscious. Am I dead? No. Am I alive? Yes, thus the confusing text. Am I going to keep texting this because I’m basic beyond repair? Yes.
2. Practicing yoga as a form of fitness
When people talk about all the real workouts they engage in (crossfit, deadlifts, running — ew, etc.), I casually mention I practice yoga. Not for meditative or restorative purposes but as a form of fitness. What’s even more sad is overhearing other patrons of my yoga studio talking about their real workout for that day (crossfit, deadlifts, running — ugh can we not, etc.) and how they get to unwind with this vinyasa class. Oh, so that’s how you built up your core strength…good to know.
3. Having an Instagram account for my pet
I’m not entirely sure what internal urge I had to create an Instagram account for my pet cat, Donut. She’s pretty cute, but she’s also a huge asshole. But she’s not spectacularly more asshole-ish than the average asshole cat. I don’t expect her to get Insta-famous, but perhaps I’m not being ambitious enough…
4. Interjecting conversations with my own travel experiences
At any possible, given moment. People must know I’m cultured. I do not live in a shell. I’M A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE HEAR ME GOTDAMMIT.
5. Drinking kombucha
Instead of just being a normal person and eating Activia yogurt for my probiotics, I pay $4/bottle for feet-smelling fizzy drank. It kind of goes hand-in-hand with the yoga membership.
Honest to almighty heaven of all the dumb bullshit I babble on about, I, without a doubt, with every fiber of my being, and with the passion of a thousand burning suns, absolutely love having brunch. Is it breakfast? Is it lunch? I don’t fucking know, and the mystery makes me love it even more.
Do you identify with any of these? If so, it’s okay to be basic. Hell, it’s even fun to be basic. Have you ever seen anyone complain about drinking bottomless mimosas after getting their hair freshly ombre’d while wearing their Lulu leggings? Once you’ve accepted how blatantly basic you are, you can now conquer all your dreams and aspirations and goals with full confidence because being basic means being YOU.
Or you can make up excuses and say you engage in these basic tendencies out of “irony”. Sigh…no one understands you.