At 20 Years Old

At 20 years old. Where to begin?

I am at a place of peace in my life, at least in this very moment. The grass is soft and green. Summer is switching into early fall, with a slight breeze and cloudless, Carolina blue sky. I am getting into a routine on campus. As a sophomore in college, I am no longer electrified by the newness of life in college. Yet, I still have an abundance of opportunities and resources yearning for my interacting. I feel a degree of equilibrium in this sophomore year. I turned 20 two and a half weeks ago, and I wanted to write on my perspective at 20 after reading a different medium post about being 30.

So. At 20…

I realized the uncertainty faced on a regular basis. I did not think I’d be at UNC Chapel Hill for college, or in a fraternity, or having traveled to multiple countries or having worked a real 9–5 job or still so unsure about the key areas in my life: family, profession, love, religion and my general future. I always looked at older people and thought they had it all planned; I know I was sorely wrong. Uncertainty is a definite certainty.

I am still rolling with the tide. I am lost — sort of. Lost in a positive sense because I am actively figuring “it” out. Experiencing depths and varieties of people, activities, lifestyles and interests. Oddly, I only minutely know my preferences despite the range of my experiences. Even more offsetting, I have sometimes felt my views and preferences change quite drastically in short periods. My views and preferences even swing like a pendulum, sometimes here then there then right back to the original position. I have realized the constant energy required to explore, reflect and grow. I must keep my energy up and blinders open.

I also began finding peace with my relationships. Although I am still thoroughly working on the skill. Time and place matter. I have friends in different countries who I once spent everyday beside. I also have friends living in my same 800 square foot dorm suite. I’m figuring out how to share meaningful, tailored relationships with the myriad of people in my life. I often talk with friends from different countries or states about meeting up, yet we know the idea and conversation feels better than the practicality. Its the thought that counts (please excuse the cliche). But still, we may meet at some time and some place.

Lastly, I particularly realized the capacity for life to suppress exceptionalism. I feel the greater majority promotes average. Companies seek employees to hire and work a function that thousands of others can or do work. Parents want children to follow their own, seemingly-safe footsteps. Universities want students to abide by their standards and benchmarks for success. Religions want people to stay within their guidlines and contribute when possible. Pop culture follows trends and promotes what hot, originality even suffers eventually. The marketplace for life becomes crowded as everybody wants to add, or take, their piece by using the least amount of energy possible. We all ultimately fall on the bell curve: 68–95–99.7. I think my 20s will be finding out where I belong on the bell curve, in all functions of my life.

I add no captivating conclusion here. However, I find it necessary to add a disclaimer. I often read creative, opinion based literature and find the authors sometimes mistakenly speak ignorantly due to lacking time refining their writings. The writers in The Daily Tar Heel, our campus newspaper, do so terribly. I want to make clear my writings above reflect a relatively stream-of-concious writing process. The writings also reflect my feeling in this time and moment. I hope, and think, I generally captured my truest feeling and opinions. The writing was for my brief enjoyment, and I share it with you in hopes brief enjoyment is also the result of your reading.

Always,

PZS